


I dont need a family (If i have you)

by AwkwardSpaceBean



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Baby Clarke, Baby Lexa, But i too can only handle so much, F/F, I'll add more relationships and characters as i go probably, If Anyhing extremely graphic happens there will also be a warning before the chapter, If i you want anything else tagged just ask., Lexa is a foster child., Other, This is the angstiest i've ever gotten, and i do describe things they do and say to her., there are moments where she is in an abusive home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9579188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardSpaceBean/pseuds/AwkwardSpaceBean
Summary: Lexa has been in the foster system for as long as she can remember. She's only five years old, and her life has proved to be more difficult than the other children surrounding her.One day, she makes an unexpected friend. She eventually lets herself feel content, and trust that her friend won't bully her and wont let anyone else bully her either.The only problem is that Lexa hops homes a lot. And her case worker is a dick.I'm bad at summaries maybe give it a try if it intrigues you???(Again: This has a few abusive situations in it. I don't know how many throughout the story. but I will put a warning before every chapter that needs one.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, here is my experimental angsty story written in third person. (I am bad at writing angst, and I am bad at writing in third person. I'll only continue this if it gets a good response. If not, I'll just keep my bad writing to myself.) 
> 
> I have a few notes for my other stories as well. For "Forbidden Love for the blue eyed girl" I will have something out soon. And my updates should start to become steady again. As for "Through her eyes" I am at a stand still with where I want to take that story. So my updates are stopping until I get inspired to continue it again. (I hate leaving things unfinished so I am doing my best to continue that one.)

A regular day for Lexa has never meant the same thing as it does for most children her age.

A regular day for Lexa usually consists of: Waking up to screaming children, screaming adults, just people screaming. Sometimes at her, sometimes at each other, but mostly at her. Every single time someone raised their voice louder than your regular inside voice, she flinches. Every morning she gathers her things and runs out the door, not even concerned about breakfast. Only caring about how fast she can get out of there, and if she can get out unseen. If someone sees her, they grab her by the arm, and drags her around. Yelling at her for trying to skip out on washing everyone’s dishes. Making her miss the bus, so she either has to walk, or stay back. And there was no way on god’s green earth she would stay in that place.

What is that place?? You ask.

It’s a group home. A home for foster children under the age of eighteen with no family to foster them yet. There are twelve of them in that one row home. Meaning, they share rooms. Lexa is the youngest one in the home, no one really knows how old she actually is. So, doctors made an educated guess based on her developmental stages, Teeth, height, bone structure, IQ, her estimated age is about five years old… Her birthdate, was estimated to be about two weeks before she was found on the floor by a tree right outside of a cemetery. Wrapped only in an oversized sweater and a necklace with a wedding band around her neck.

She wasn’t able to speak, fend for herself, or do much of anything other than, eat, cry, poop, sleep, and do it all over again when she was introduced to the foster system. Handed down from one family to another, to another, and so on. For five years, she been passed around from family to family, house hopping. Lexa has been to fifteen different homes in her five years. Spending only an average of about three months in each home. She has never known what it’s like to have a family. To have a room to call her own. What it feels like to be loved and cared for. She’s never had a chance to attach to a stuffed animal, she has never even _had_ a stuffed animal. She has never had the chance to get accustomed to a certain smell that comforts her.  She has never known what it is like to be happy. To have Christmas because in the foster system, Christmas doesn’t exist. You can’t accumulate stuff because you’ll just have to move it more times than you can count. In the system, nothing belongs to you. Not even you belong to you.

Lexa carries a journal, a purple pen to go with it. (She liked it because it has purple ink too.) Eight different outfits, four different pairs of underwear that have grown to small on her but she wears them anyways. Even if they cut into her thighs. One pair of socks and a pair of tattered boots that are starting to grow too small on her as well. That is all she owns.  And when it is time to get up and move homes, they put all of her belongings into a trash bag. So the next day, she goes to school wearing clothes that smell like garbage bags. That’s how all the kids at school learn you’re in the system. It certainly makes you feel like garbage, like you don’t matter enough for people to respect you, or your things. Like everything you own is garbage.

Lexa is rather small. She has a tiny frame and very little meat on her bones. Her wrists and ankles are about the same size, and her collar bones jut out. She has fuzzy, curly brown hair that reaches all the way down to her belly button. Her skin is dirty because she loves to lay in the grass, and looking up at the sky through the trees. But, she hates taking showers because no one in the home understands what the word ‘privacy’ means. Sometimes it gets to the point where the Adult in the house drags her into the bathroom by her hair and forces her to shower. She yells at her while spraying her with water. Telling her that she stinks, and she’s repulsive, that nobody will want her if she looks and smells the way she does. And how they don’t need Child Services to come to the home, and they will if she goes to school looking like that.  She hates that, she crumbles into the corner of the tub, pulling her knees to her chest and waits until her foster parent has finished bathing her. So, she tries her hardest to shower herself, and as fast as possible. Praying to a god she refuses to believe in—that no one walks in on her.

School is a whole other story. School is her safety blanket. No one talks to her, as she is deemed—the weird kid, the foster kid, the one that smells like garbage bags, the new girl—As she hops schools quite often too. But she doesn’t mind, she sits in the back of her class, whichever class, there is always room in the back, she isolates herself and revels in the peace she gets back there. She sits there in her overly large sweater she has managed to hang onto for as long as she can remember twiddling with the wedding band on her finger. She often puts her fingers through it, waiting for the day it’ll finally fit her.  She loves these small treasures, she doesn’t know who they belonged to before someone wrapped her up in them. Maybe her mother, maybe her father or even her grandfather. It’s quite a large sweater, but that may also be because she is so incredibly small.

Lexa is ahead of her class, yes, she is only in kindergarten but she reads well, reading is her only escape. She taught herself months ago, when one of her foster families had a large array of children’s books in the shared room with their son. She would read under his bed with a mini flash light. She writes decently too, for a five-year-old. Her teacher, Ms. Byrne, gives her extra credit work all the time. Getting a hint that her life is hard, she gives her stuff to keep her busy. Lexa always returns the packets she gets the next day. She’s smart and gets things done very quickly. Always eager and asking for more work to do, and Ms. Byrne, always gives it to her.

Today, there is supposed to be a new girl coming to her classroom. She’s not really excited because it’s just another kid to add to her list of bullies, and people that judge her. The only thing Lexa is a little excited about as much as she would hate to admit, she is hopeful that maybe she won’t be the weird newbie anymore.

The girl has been assigned to Lexa as her shadow. To follow her around for a while until she gets acquainted to the school. They always pick kids who get things done, who do their work, and don’t make any trouble. For the kindergarten class, that was Lexa.

Everyone’s head turns when the door to the classroom opens. The vice principal and a little blonde girl in a pink shirt and jeans walk in the door. Her hair looks damp, and it’s pulled back into a tight pony tail, her face pale white and glowey. Her outfit, pink and perfect, not even a single _wrinkle_ to be found. Lexa inwardly rolls her eyes at the girl’s appearance. She is going to be one of _those_ girls. In _that_ clique. One of the people that wrinkles their nose when they pass by her and giggle when they’ve passed.

“Oh hey, our new friend is here! Just in time to start our morning journaling exercise.” Ms. Byrne exclaims, welcoming the new kid into the class room.

“Okay, everybody, eyes up here and quiet.” She calls out. Immediately silencing the not so quiet murmurs as they haven quite mastered whispering yet.

“Thank you. Everybody, this is Clarke, you will welcome her into our class. We will all be nice and respectful. Try to remember your first days here, and how scary they were. That is what she is going through. If she is timid, be respectful, and nicely ease her into whatever you are doing.” Ms. Byrne instructed. Everyone nodded excitedly, and Lexa could see the Class Clown, and head of the girly clique Octavia Blake, sit up excitedly. Flicking her long, shiny, almost black/brown hair off her shoulder. Clearing the chair next to her, probably because she wants Clarke to sit there. Something in Lexa smiles a little, knowing that the very pink blonde will have to sit next to her today, instead.

Ms. Byrne leans down to be eye level with Clarke, talking to her quietly so the rest of the class can’t hear. Then seconds later she stands back up and asks Lexa to raise her hand. She tentatively does so. Then her and Clarke lock eyes and for some reason, Lexa is unable to look away, or pull her hand down, or think. Clarke nods to herself and walks over towards Lexa, sitting down right next to her with a smile. Not a chair over, or a few chairs over. She didn’t crinkle her face or look away. She plopped down in the chair exactly next to Lexa. Their knees accidentally brushed under their tables, Lexa flinched at the contact. Clarke’s smile disappeared, and was quickly replaced by a seemingly heartfelt apology. Lexa simply pressed her lips together in one of those barely there, grins and nodded her head. Silently showing Clarke that she accepts her apology. When inside she is screaming because no one in her entire life span has apologized for startling her, or for anything really.

“Uhm, do you have a piece of paper I could use?? I didn’t bring any today.” Clarke whispered as the teacher wrote down today’s journal entry question on the white board.

Lexa nodded before digging around in her backpack, she takes out a blue composition book and a black sharpie marker. Looking at Clarke’s shirt real quick for a name tag, Lexa slowly writes out Clarke’s name on the composition book. And then she opens it to the front page and in her pencil, she writes.

“Keep the hole thing.”

Sliding it over to Clarke, she smiles a big bright smile at the gesture. She opens it to the front page and reads Lexa’s little note, and smiles even bigger. Lexa didn’t quite think it was possible to smile so hard.

“Thank you, Lexa. May I give you a small tip?” Clarke says. Lexa hesitantly nods, afraid she’s going to say something mean about bathing or the lack thereof or something.

“This right here. Needs a ‘w’ this word you wrote here, it means like a hole in the ground.” Clarke informs her. While writing out the entire word underneath where Lexa had wrote it. “See like this.” She whispered, and Lexa looked up at her…maybe this Clarke wouldn’t be so mean after all.

Once lunch happens Lexa sits down at her usual table and expects Clarke to mingle with the rest of the students, but she doesn’t. She sits at Lexa’s completely empty table. Smiling at her as she-again- sits right next to her. This time careful not to touch her, as she doesn’t want to startle the girl.

“Where is your lunch Lexa??” Clarke asks.

“I-I-I….” Lexa stutters…just stopping after that she doesn’t want to embarrass herself further so she just shakes her head. Looking in her lap she bites at the ends of the long-sleeved sweater.

“It’s okay. You can tell me. I’ll be patient.”

“I-I-I don’t H-ha-have one.” She mutters blushing hard at how bad she is at forming sentences when talking to people. Especially new people. She is incredibly embarrassed.

“Oh, well would you like half of mine?? I brought leftover pizza that my dad made from dinner. Mom always packs two slices. You can have one. It’s pepperoni, you like pepperoni don’t ya??” Clarke beams, opening up her lunch box.

Lexa shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t th-th-think I’ve ever had pepperoni…” She whispers.

“Really?? Well here, you can have the big piece. Two of my cookies, and my mini water. All set, now you have a full-on lunch.” Clarke smiles.

“I-I can’t…you’re giving me all of this??” Lexa points to the food Clarke just set down on the tinfoil in front of her.

“Uh-huh.” She nods happily. Taking a few bites of her pizza she looks down at her food, and not at Lexa, thinking that maybe she’ll eat it if she’s not staring her down.

Clarke was right. Lexa picks it up and almost in slow motion takes a small bite off the tip of the pizza. Once she sees that Clarke isn’t staring her down she takes bigger bites, eating it quickly. It’s in her nature to eat her food quickly. Just in case someone slips in and takes it from her. Or decides she doesn’t deserve it anymore.

She finishes everything including the crust and the cookies and the water in under five minutes. Clarke looks up with a slack jaw when she hears the crinkling of the water bottle. Watching Lexa hurry to drink every last drop in that water bottle.

“You even ate the crusts? I don’t like the crusts.” Clarke mentions, shaking her head in disgust just thinking about eating the crust.

Once Clarke finishes her slice, she makes sure to leave a little extra sauce on the crust and hands it to Lexa. “You can have mine.” She states. Holding the crust towards Lexa. Lexa takes it and eats it quickly.

Later Clarke even shadows Lexa to her bus before making her way to her dad’s car.

Lexa nuzzles herself in the first seat behind the bus driver, right against the window. Her backpack in the spot next to her, not that anyone would sit next to her anyways.

All twelve of the kids that Lexa lives with get on that bus. The oldest is seventeen in the beginning of the year he asked the bus driver to drop them off last, no matter where their stop was on the paper. He didn’t want anyone seeing where he lived, or who he lived with.

That’s okay, because honestly, Lexa didn’t want anyone to know either. So, she sat in her spot day dreaming as she watches all the kid’s parents pick them up at the bus stop and hug them tight. All bright smiles and laughs, holding their hand as they cross the street. Wondering what it was like to have that… _I suppose I’ll never know._ Lexa thought before turning away from the window, unable to bear anymore day dreaming.

When they get to their stop she waits until all the kids in the home run off the bus first. So, she can run straight her room unseen from all the commotion of the kids running into the house.

She runs to her room and leaves the door cracked for the other kids who live in that room too. She climbs into the top bunk on the bunk bed and does her homework. Then she leans on her trash bag of clothes and reads a book. Adding it to her reading chart. Once she finishes her homework she takes off her shoes and puts them in her bag, then goes to the bathroom and washes clothes in the bathtub with old watered down soap that her foster ‘mom’ gets from a school she works at.  She hangs up her clothes on the shower rod, and opens the bathroom window up really wide to get some air circulating. (Even if it makes the room freezing cold.)

Once she finishes that daily routine she tucks herself in bed. Covering herself in the bottom half of the fitted sheet that’s on the bed, and the oversized sweater. She has a pillow, but it’s flatter than paper so she just uses her bag of clothes to sleep on. Not even thinking of dinner, not even wondering about dinner. She closes her eyes and wills herself to sleep.

The next morning she arrives at school, Clarke is already there. In the same seat she was in yesterday she sits…waiting for Lexa with her head resting in the palms of her hands. When she sees her walk through the door way she perks up. Brushing her hair out of her face as it’s not up in a pony-tail today. It’s just out, brushed and perfectly wavy. Shining like the sun through blinds on a Sunday afternoon.

“HI!” Clarke exclaims. Waving excitedly.

Lexa looks behind her, checking to see if Clarke is actually waving at her. When no one is behind her, she waves back, less enthusiastically.

She sits down next to Clarke. Scooting her chair all the way in before pulling out her school journal. Copying the question to the top of the page before answering it. Today’s question is: Who is your hero, and why??

“Y-you know your shadow day is over. You aren’t forced to sit here anymore.” Lexa tells her, and Clarke frowns.

“I want to sit here.” Clarke states simply, as she begins answering today’s journal question.

Lexa just sits there staring blankly at the page. While Clarke sits there, staring at Lexa, and back at her finished paragraph, her smile weakening by the second.

“Are you okay Lexa?” Clarke questions. Lexa simply nods, not looking up from the page. Her pencil hovering over the spot she wants to start her sentence, but she doesn’t have a sentence to start.

“Ms. Byrne, can’t your hero be something like…a book, or just something that makes you comfortable. It doesn’t have to be a person right???” Clarke asks, raising her hand but not waiting to be called on.

“I suppose so… your hero can be anything. Just be sure to explain why it’s your hero.” Their teacher answers.

Clarke then looks at Lexa and smiles. Hinting to her that she asked that question for her. With that Lexa started writing, and Clarke smiled to herself, humming with satisfaction.

Lunch went the same way as it did yesterday. Clarke divides up her lunch and this time, she snuck in extras for Lexa. Including another bottle of water for herself, and a bigger bottle for Lexa.

Again she walks Lexa to her bus and waves goodbye before making her way to her dads car.

“Hi dad.” Clarke greets as she hops up into the back seat of his four door Toyota Corolla.

“Hey kiddo, how was your day.”

“Oh, it was great! Remember that girl I told you about yesterday. Well I sat with her again. She told me that I wasn’t forced to sit near her. She made it seem like I was only being nice to her cause I had to. But that’s not true.  She doesn’t talk that much but I don’t mind. I love sitting with her.” Clarke tells him. He smiles wide proud of his little girl for making friends.

“I am sure you talk enough for the both of you.” He jokes. Looking into the rearview mirror to see her smiling at his joke, already so used to him that his jokes aren’t that funny anymore.

“I guess you’re probably right…” She sighs. Looking out the window, trying to find Lexa’s bus…maybe she can see her.

“Hey daddy??” Clarke hums, still looking out the window.

“Yes, my sky girl?” She smiles as he pulls out of the school parking lot.

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to be mad at me.”

“Of course. You know you can tell me anything little one.”

“Okay, well. My friend Lexa. She is really skinny and boney, and her hair is never brushed, just always put up in a bun. Well, I give her half my lunch. And this morning I stole extra food from the fridge to give it to her. Do you think mommy will be mad??”

“No, I don’t think mom will be mad at all. I’m definitely not mad.” Jake states, looking back at her once he’s at a red light.

“How come she appears to be so…so…dirty daddy?” Clarke asks, her voice full of wonder, and curiosity.

“Sometimes people don’t get the privilege of having a home like you do baby. Some people don’t have food like you, or bathrooms like you have. Sometimes people don’t even have beds. It is important to never treat people badly, even if they are a little un-kept. We don’t know If she has a mommy that can brush her hair out every morning like you have.  Be grateful for what you have, and keep on sharing with her. Maybe that is all the food she gets. I will make you lunch for her too. So, you both get full lunches okay?” Jake explained.

“Really, you’d do that!?!?” Clarke exclaims.

“Yes. And I will explain to mom, so you don’t have to okay??”

“Okay” Clarke nods. Kicking her feet around in her booster seat.

//

Every day went the same from then on. Clarke got to school early, sitting in the seat next to Lexa’s waiting for her. Clarke helped her with journals when Lexa didn’t know how to answer the questions. And Lexa helped Clarke with spelling sometimes, and she also helped her with her cursive. Clarke is a lefty, and when they practice cursive on white boards her hand just rubs off the progress she’s made. So, Lexa helps by telling her to pick up the back of her hand so she can put a piece of paper under her hand and over what she already wrote instead of sliding it across and erasing everything.  A week of doing that Clarke learned a proper angle to write without smudging everything.

Clarke brought Lexa a lunch every day. Her sandwich bags always have her name written on them in neat, adult cursive writing with smiley faces. They each got the same exact lunch. With a sweet and a water to go with it.

It became routine for both girls. As the days went on and Clarke kept consistent, Lexa started letting herself look forward to these things. To the sandwich bags with her name on it, and the yummy lunches with snacks she’s never tried before. To sitting next to Clarke in computer lab, and letting herself chuckle when Clarke would make silly jokes about different word problems in math. Letting herself be okay with Clarke walking her to her bus, hugging her as they say goodbye. She hasn’t been okay with letting herself be hugged before. She hasn’t wrapped her arms around Clarke yet, but she lets Clarke wrap her arms around her and that’s more than she can say for anyone else. Clarke stood up for her when people would make faces about what she smelled like, or said something crude about her appearance.  They got used to each other. They slowly became friends. Lexa slowly stopped stuttering whenever she spoke to Clarke. She began feeling comfortable. If school was her safe haven before, it is certainly something greater now. Clarke was hers. She was Clarke’s, she couldn’t be more content with life.

Two months of this routine went on…

This morning, Lexa woke up to silence which is a strange but not an unwelcome change. She went to the bathroom to change into clean-ish clothes for school, then she gathers her notebooks and school folders and heads to the kitchen to do the dishes. When she enters the kitchen her foster ‘dad’ is doing the dishes while her foster ‘mom’ sits at the table with tears in her eyes, sniffling. A police officer and a Lexa’s case worker are sitting at the table. Lexa heart drops as she takes a deep breath, swiveling on her heels she turns back and goes to her room. Standing on the edge of the tub to pull down her clothes from the hangers on the shower rod. She folds them and stuffs them in her garbage bag. She tosses it off her top bunk bed before she climbs down. Putting her books in there as well she throws the bag over her shoulder and walks back into the kitchen.

She feels numb, she is too used to this to feel anything but empty.

“Ready kid?” Nyko asked, obviously feeling sorry for her. His voice was lower than usual, he seemed sad. His gaze cast down, and not necessarily looking at Lexa.  Lexa nodded, wrapping her hands in the sleeve of her sweater, she bites at the already frayed fabric there.

He nods back at her and turns, walking to his car. Lexa follows. He opens the back door for her and she climbs in. Waiting, for him to take her to her next foster family.

Lexa digs around in her bag and pulls out her journal. Writing down another last name to the list of families she’s been with, and taken away from. There are sixteen names on her list now. sixteen homes within five years. Moving homes wasn’t really difficult for Lexa she was used to it by now. But once she reached school age, changing schools so often was hard for her. New places and new bullies to get used to. She’s only been in school for two years and she doesn’t even know how many different ones she’s been to since she started pre-k. That leaves her with an unsettling feeling.

“M-Mr. Nyko…” Lexa whispered.

“Yes?” He replied.

“Will I be having to go to a different school?”

“I’m afraid so kiddo, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. He hates doing this, he hates transferring kids from home to home, he hates this.

Lexa takes a deep breath wishing the tears away she looks up the sky trying not to let the tears run down her face.

“It’s alright. I’m used to it. it’s just…I had made a friend…can you bring me by the school to at least say goodbye.” Lexa asked, having high hopes he would give in because she has never asked him for anything.

“I’m not allowed to do that.” He states.

This time, she can’t hold back the tears. They roll freely down her face as she looks in her school journal at all the little pictures, and doodles her and Clarke did together. Playing tic-tac-toe, and hangman, Clarke drew little cartoon animals like bunnies, and frogs, cats, and lions, racoons and more. The white side of the cardboard covering was all done up in doodles that Clarke drew. She runs her fingers across each drawing tracing the lines with the tips of her fingers. Remembering how Clarke giggled as she drew, and stuck her tongue out between her teeth when she had to trace her pencil drawing in sharpie, so deep in concentration, trying hard not to fudge up her lines.

Lexa knew Clarke would become an amazing artist. She was already so good…imagine what her art will look like by high school.

Lexa had just accepted that she’d never see Clarke again. She closed her book and looked out the window, watching the trees flash by.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of happy. A little bit of sad.   
> This isn't beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.   
> ( PLeasee Don't get used to quick updates. I just have a few chapters written already so i'm posting what I've got. I am horrible at time management. I have no schedule. )

Clarke arrived at school that day the same as always. Sitting in her chair, her journal out, and this time she brought a rainbow pack of markers to color with Lexa at lunch time. Hoping she would help her color in all those doodles.  She watched the door excitedly, waiting for her to walk through the door. Waiting to wave at her only to have Lexa check behind her every time before waving back a little wave. When the teacher walks up and shuts the door to begin class, Clarke yells.

“NO!” Everyone in the class turns their head and looks back at her. _She is now the weird one._ She’s stood up, her hands on her desk and her chair pushed out a couple feet behind her.

“What’s wrong??” Ms. Byrne asks.

“You can’t close that, Lexa isn’t here yet.”

Ms. Byrne sighs, leaving the door cracked. Knowing it’s a possibility that if Lexa isn’t on time, then Lexa isn’t coming in. Not today, or the next, and maybe even the next. But she doesn’t have the heart to tell Clarke. She takes note to call home, to explain to Clarke’s parents, maybe they’ll be able to tell her…

//

Once they pull up to Lexa’s new foster home, Nyko opens the car door for her, and Lexa climbs out clutching her trash bag of stuff.

Nyko rings the doorbell and a tall thin lady with pale skin, dark hair and brown eyes opens the door. He looked down at Lexa apologetically, trying to rest his hand on Lexa’s shoulder to add… I don’t know, comfort, or a sense of security…something. But Lexa moves away quicker than he can do it.

“If you cared about me at all, you’d have taken me to say goodbye to Clarke.” Lexa hissed, the lady opened the door wider and welcomed Lexa in. Lexa hesitantly walked in, looking around this is definitely the most well-kept home she’s ever been in. It’s spotless, and smells like cinnamon. The walls are an off white color with family photos hung up around the house. Kids trophies on the fireplace mantle, along with school pictures in frames.

She stopped in front of the dining room. A large table with candles and a red runner, just like the family dinner tables looked like in movies. A vase of flowers right in the middle, color coordinated with the rest of the house.

“My kids will be home from school later, would you like me to show you to your room?” The lady asks.

“Sure…” Lexa shrugged.

“My name is Hannah green, you can call me Hannah, you can call me, Ms. Green, you can call me whichever one okay?” The lady said, walking up the stairs, Lexa follows.

She opens a door with the name Maddie written on it in pink foam letters.

“You’ll be sharing a room with my youngest daughter. She’s seven, Her name is Maddie, she is very excited to meet you. She didn’t even want to go to school when I told her you were coming today. Your bed is right here, your dresser is here. I was thinking instead of having you go to a half day at school you and I could go shopping a little, get some breakfast, get to know each other. Does that sound good??” Hannah asks.

Lexa just nods. Maybe this home will be better, maybe they’ll like her here. Maybe they won’t hurt her. Maybe suffering without Clarke will be worth the home life she is given. The world has proven to her, you can only have one good thing at a time. Clarke was her good thing. Without Clarke, maybe this home will be her good thing.

“Well, I’ll give you some time to settle in. I’ll come get you when I’m ready to leave okay??”

Lexa nods her response again. Standing in the middle of the room, watching Hannah as she leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

 She doesn’t know what to do with herself, her own twin sized bed. With a large blue and green blanket with big fluffy pillows. She looks to the other bed and sees a pink and orange blanket, with matching pillows. The girl’s dresser is full, and has some clothes sticking out of the closed drawers. There’s a book shelf with books, ranging from her own reading level to her new roommates reading level. Lexa just looks around, half the room is blue and bland, and the other half is pink, with posters, pictures, and colored in coloring pages on the wall, not a single picture colored outside the lines. They had made half the room for Lexa, a nice calm baby blue color. Lexa wonders why they did all this for her, when she will just have to leave again soon. She wonders why they took the time to paint, and buy new things, when she won’t have it for long. She won’t be able to take new stuff with her, she won’t be able to keep the nice pillows and blankets, she was expecting a blow up mattress with a sheet and a single almost flat pillow, or a blanket setup on the floor. Not a whole bed and a half a room.

The longest she stayed in one place was four months, that was a record for her. It wasn’t nice there though. She was mistreated and yelled at to no extent. She doesn’t remember that place that well, maybe she blocked it out, or maybe she was too young for her brain to grasp everything that was happening, but she does remember that she slept on the floor, with a sheet as a blanket and her arms as a pillow. She remembers how cold it got at night and how they wouldn’t let her outside until she did everything they told her to. She didn’t go outside most days.

Hannah comes back up the stairs and knocks on the door a few times before opening the door. Finding Lexa in the same spot she left her, standing in the middle of the room, with her trash bag slung over her shoulder.

“Lexa? Are you ready to go?”

“Go where?” Lexa asks.

“I’m going to take you shopping for new clothes and shoes and things…” Hannah reminds her.

“How come??”

“I thought It would be nice to get new things, and bond a little.”

“I won’t be able to keep it…I can only fit so much into one trash bag. And I can’t break this. I only get one, its already stretching in places.” Lexa explains.

“You don’t have to worry about that for now. Can I see what’s in your bag, so I know what new things I can get you.” Hannah asks, sitting on the bed.

Lexa digs in her bag, taking her journals out before handing the bag of clothes over to Hannah.

Hannah pulls out the oversized shirts and old stripped leggings with holes in them. She tries hard not to crinkle her nose at the smell of the old soap and mildewed clothes that took a little too long to dry out. She lays them out on the bag and checks the tags on the underwear, noticing they must be way too small for Lexa.

“Alright, I see, you want to go?”

“I guess so.” Lexa shrugs.

“You can leave your books here. This is your desk. Okay?”

Lexa puts down most of her school books, clutching her personal journal and her school journal that Clarke drew in, close to her chest.

Hannah smiles, and walks out the room, motioning for Lexa to follow her.

She follows her out to her SUV. Opening the back door, Lexa struggles to climb into the car, having no muscle what so ever to pull her body up with the handle on the side, she steps up, then crawls onto the floor, then stands and plops in the seat. Buckling her seatbelt, she winces as it rubs against her neck.

Hannah closes the door and walks to the front, starting the car and driving off. Lexa looks out the window at the passing trees and cars.

“How far are we to Mount weather elementary school??” Lexa asks suddenly.

“We are about an hour drive with good traffic. We live outside of the city. In the suburbs.” Hannah informs her.

“Is that a long way?”

“It’s not too bad. Why?”

“It’s just that, I left my friend. And Mr. Nyko wouldn’t take me to say goodbye… He said he wasn’t allowed to. But I know he is. I’m not stupid. He just didn’t want to. He didn’t want me to have a fit. I wasn’t going to. I just wanted to tell the only person that cares about me, the only person I care about…that I have to leave her. That I won’t forget her. I didn’t get to tell her how important to me she was.” Lexa sighs, looking up at the sky again, trying not to let her tears escape. Crying is for the weak, Lexa isn’t weak, Lexa doesn’t cry.

“Oh, I’m very sorry to hear that.”

“I should have never gotten so used to her. I know how this goes. I knew I’d be leaving soon. I always do.”

Hannah didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know how to comfort the girl. This is her first time fostering a child. And from what Nyko told her, Lexa is difficult. She has anger issues. Outbursts, many foster families had to call him to get her because she was scaring their children. She would scream and kick, whenever someone got close to her. Physically, and emotionally pushing people away. If something was good for her, she made it bad as quickly as possible. She is defiant in good homes. She will sit at the dinner table and refuse to eat the food in front of her, she again, refuses to shower, even if she was promised no one would walk in. She didn’t brush her hair and she didn’t want anyone to touch her stuff, even to wash it. She didn’t understand that they would give it back to her. She would scream that she hates them…unleashing a string of curse words she didn’t know what they meant but she knew they upset her foster families, so she kept saying them, until Nyko came to get her.

Again, Lexa is difficult, but her Maddie was difficult too. As an autistic child, she didn’t know how to communicate. Her speech was delayed, and the first time she spoke a word she was three years old. She too would scream and kick, out of frustration for not being able to say what she wants or needs. She is getting better at voicing her concerns and her needs. She is learning how to stay calm when people don’t understand her. There is still learning to be done, but Maddie is doing well.  Hannah figures Lexa is similar. The fact that people don’t listen to foster children. They treat them like government property instead of children and even if they technically _are_ government property. They don’t deserve to be treated as such. Much like Maddie, Lexa gets frustrated when she tries to communicate and no one listens. She realized a long time ago that the only way to get people to listen, was to scream. Make them hear her. She’s small, she figures that’s the only way she will be heard and as shitty as it is, she was right.

People won’t touch her if she screams. People won’t get near her if she kicks, and lastly they’ll walk on eggshells around her when she curses, when she says she hates them. When she’s violent.

Hannah knows Lexa isn’t violent in nature. She can see it, feel it, hear it in her voice. Lexa is fully capable of being soft, gentle, and caring. She is able to feel love, she’s expressed that through her facial expressions and tone of voice when speaking about Clarke. She is capable of being patient, and kind. Hannah can tell that Lexa doesn’t like to scream, or make a scene. She can also tell that with a little patients, and consistency, and an ear to speak to. Lexa will be just fine in her home.

That’s why Nyko thought this home might be good for Lexa. A mother that knows how to deal with difficult children. Someone patient and soft spoken would be perfect for Lexa. Plus, two kids is always better than eleven others. Quieter and less wild. Hannah is an art therapist. She encourages children to express themselves through art. And she can make diagnosis based off of their art. This is how she knew her child was autistic at such a young age, this is how she was able to get her child help, to teach her how to cope with all of the stimulation the world has to offer. Art is how they communicated. Maybe she could help Lexa too.

Once they get to the store Hannah opens the door for Lexa and Lexa sits on the floor of the car, and slides out. Still unfamiliar with the height of the SUV.

They walk into the target together and Hannah walks Lexa over to the girl’s section, pointing out different things. Lexa shakes her head to all of them.

“Can we go that way?” Lexa asks, pointing to the boy’s side.

Hannah nods, and starts walking in that direction.

Lexa picks two pairs of sweat pants, and two plain black t-shirts. Paying attention that they are the lowest priced items. She also makes sure they are a few sizes too big, so she has time to grow into them.

Lexa looks up at Hannah, “All done” She states.

“That’s not nearly enough. You need socks, and underwear…you can pick them out if you want. Don’t worry about the price okay??”

“No. Nothing else. My bag will break.” Lexa states, her eyes wide with concern, maybe a little bit of fear.

“If it breaks, I’ll get you a new one… okay?”

“I’ll get a new bag?” Lexa asks.

“Yes.” Hannah nods.

“Okay…you promise? You won’t forget right?”

“I won’t forget. I’ll give you a new bag today if that will make you feel better.”

“It would.” Lexa nods.

“Alright, then lets pick out more outfits, underwear and socks. Maybe some soaps that you like??” Hannah suggests.

“Soaps??” Lexa questions “You’re getting me soaps??”

“Of course. My daughter likes certain soaps, that maybe you won’t like. So we can get some that you like, to have all for you.”

“I usually just get a bag of hand soap that’s from the school my old foster mom worked at, then fill it the rest of the way with water and use that… it last long time.” Lexa nods, mainly to herself.

“Well, I’ll buy you stuff you don’t have to water down.” Hannah insists.

“I won’t be able to keep that.”

“I understand that, that’s okay.” She doesn’t want to argue with the girl, so she’s just agreeing.

Lexa nods simply as she walks through the boys section some more. Picking out more plain black shirts and pants. Plain black boxers and socks alike. Everything black. Everything cheap.

“Pick out a sweatshirt, and a coat too. Lexa.”

“No, that’s too much stuff. It won’t fit.” She states again, getting a little frustrated that she has to keep reiterating that to Hannah.

“Okay.” Hannah says, picking out a black and grey winter coat and a hoodie for Lexa. Not sizes bigger, but perfect sizes for Lexa.

Placing everything in the cart they make their way to the soap. Lexa picks up one called strawberry fields, it’s a three in one. Shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. She smells it and feels her heart drop, because that’s exactly what Clarke’s hair smelled like.  She holds this one up to Hannah with a questioning look in her eyes. Like “Can I get this one?”

Hannah smiles and places it in the cart. She also places, another towel in the cart along with a new tooth brush, a comb and a hair brush, detangling spray. The whole shebang really.

Lexa thinks about Clarke…wondering what’s happening with her right now. Does she miss her?? Is she thinking about her?? Probably not. Lexa doesn’t believe she is a significant being. Nobody misses her.  

The school bell rings for lunch time and Clarke sits all alone. She set up her lunch, and she set Lexa’s up too, just in case she makes it to school in time for lunch. That was their favorite time of day after all, Lexa can’t miss it. Can she??

Clarke eats her sandwich slowly. Sips on her water, and nibbles her chocolate chip cookies. The leader of the girl clique in that class, Octavia Blake, walks up to Clarke.

“You can come sit with us if you’d like…” She offers.

“No thanks, I’m waiting for Lexa.” Clarke states, looking up from her food to make eye contact with Octavia.

“Who??” Octavia asks, being mean. Of course she knows who that is, but she doesn’t care. She’s not here right now. She hasn’t been her all day, why would Clarke think she’s coming now.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m waiting for my friend. I don’t want to sit with you.” Clarke tells her.

Octavia nods and goes back to her table with all the other girls in the class. Clarke looked towards the door, still no Lexa…

She rests her head in her arms and waits until the lunch period is over.

When it is, she goes back to her desk, this time, sitting in Lexa’s chair. Playing with the corner bit of tape that Lexa always played with on the name tag that was on the desk. Tracing her name with the tips of her finger.

School is over, and Clarke is packing up her bags, and pulling her coat from her cubby. She opens the door to Lexa’s cubby the only thing in there is a necklace. A silver necklace with a wedding band on it. It had her name in the band. Clarke didn’t know whose it was before Lexa had it. Lexa didn’t even know whose it was before she had it. But that necklace was another thing that she was found with. After a while Lexa kept it there, in her cubby, so it wouldn’t get stolen. She forgot it was there after a while. She used to wear it constantly, until her foster siblings started noticing it and tugged on it, trying to get it off of her. She decided to take it off, and leave it at school. It would be safer there… Clarke takes it and slips it over her head.

This time, she is early slipping into her dad’s car.

“Hey kiddo, how was your day??” He asks, the same as usual.

“Terrible. Lexa wasn’t there today… right when I brought my markers for us.”

“Maybe she got sick, or had an appointment to go to. You’ll probably see her tomorrow.” Jake said, giving Clarke a sad smile before pulling out of the school parking lot.  

Clarke can’t eat dinner that night. She lays in bed, fiddling with the ring around her neck.

//

When Hannah’s kids come home it gets louder. Lexa doesn’t like that. Maddie introduces herself to Lexa and tries to give her a hug, but Lexa screams, letting it be known she doesn’t like being touched. She scares Maddie, making her back off, making her quiet down for most of the night.

The older kid, Monty, he’s seventeen. Tall, and thin, with tired eyes, he is quiet and takes his dinner to his room.

“Can I do that??” Lexa asks. Referring to Monty eating in his room.

“No.” Hannah tells her. So Lexa just slumps in her chair, looking at her plate of food.

“Can I just go to sleep then??” she questions.

“Go ahead.”

Lexa makes her way up the stairs and stops when she sees Monty sitting in his bed eating dinner and looking at something on the computer. He looks up at her and waves her over.

Lexa walks over and stands in the door way. “Hi” He says quietly.

“Hi” Lexa answers.

“How are you today?” Monty questions, making casual conversation with the five-year-old. Monty like’s kids, always has. They are more honest and trust worthy than adults. Children haven’t been taught to hate yet, Monty loves that. He and his sister have always gotten along, from the moment she was born to now. They are inseparable.

“Pretty crappy.” She says nonchalantly.

“I feel ya there kid. How’d you escape dinner??”

“I asked if I could go to sleep. I was coming up to do that.” She informs him.

“Ahhh, good one. I’ll use that excuse next time.” He jokes, Lexa looks at the floor, not allowing herself to laugh. Happiness is addictive, though it’s not a constant. She won’t allow herself to make the mistake of attaching herself to anyone again.

“Do you have a hair brush??” He asks.

“Your mom got me one.”

“Can I do your hair??”

“How do you know how to do hair. You have none.” She says, and he laughs.

“I have a girlfriend. She has long hair just like you do. She lets me play with it sometimes.”

“Okay…” Lexa sighs, turning around she goes into the room and grabs the back with all the bathroom stuff on it. and brings it back to Monty. Not crossing the threshold.

“You may enter.” He says in a faux British accent.

Lexa hesitantly walks in, stepping around the clothes, and video game controllers that are strewn across the floor. Handing the bag to Monty, he digs through it taking out the brush, and the detangling spray.

He pats the spot in front of him, telling Lexa to sit. She complies, sitting in the spot he patted. Her back towards him.

“Just…D-d-don’t touch my back, okay.”

“Okay.” He nods.

As he brushes out her hair he talks to her, joking around, trying to get a laugh out of her. Asking if she knows what happens when you brush curly hair. When she says no he tells her it frizzes up when you brush it. Making a bomb motion with his hands, and adds sound effects. He tries to take her mind of the pain of brushing the knots out of her hair.

“there you go…all done.” He says with a smile. Lexa touches her soft fluffy hair, running her fingers through it for the first time ever. She doesn’t smile externally, but she does smile a little inside.

“Thank you.” She nods.

“No problem.” He smiles back.

Lexa grabs the bag and goes into the room. She grabs her old garbage bag of clothing and places it on the bed, putting the pillows on the floor she lays on the bag, and covers herself with her oversized sweater. Lulling herself to sleep. Falling asleep without tears streaking her face. Without the sound of other crying foster children. Without the feeling of her bunkmate tossing and turning all night long, making the thin mattress squeak. Falling asleep with a content mind. Without a racing heart.

//

The next day, Clarke gets to school, and sits at her desk. Her journal out and her backpack packed with two lunches, markers and a coloring book this time. Resting her head on her palms she watches the door like a hawk. Waiting for Lexa to show up.

Ms. Byrne goes to the door to shut it, so she can begin class.

“Wait, Lexa’s not here yet!” She calls out again.

At lunch she sets up her and Lexa’s lunch, watching the door instead of eating.

She goes home and explains to her parents at the dinner table that Lexa didn’t show up again. The phone rings in the middle of her story, and Jake stands up to get it. Asking Clarke to pause her story until he gets back.

When he gets back he has a saddened look on his face. He looks at Abby with a sad smile.

“That was Ms. Byrne…” He said.

“What’d I do now!?” Clarke huffed, throwing her hands up dramatically.  

“Nothing, she was calling about Lexa.”

“About Lexa??” Abby asked.

“Go on.” She nodded, urging him to continue.

“She informed me that Lexa is in the foster system. And she just moved homes. She’s not coming back to school…her transfer was finalized today, and she thought you should know.”

Clarkes bottom lip quivered and her eyes glazed over with tears. She wipes her tears away with her fists. “Mmmm, I uhh—I’m sorry… I didn’t grasp anything you said other than she’s not coming back, and that better be a lie or so help me god…” Jake giggled at his five year old’s speech, she sounds much like a teenager at the moment and he couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m afraid not sweetie.”

Her tears spill over and her voice cracks as she says, “I-I—didn’t…mmm I didn’t get to say goodbye.” She hiccups and sobs, standing up from the dinner table she drags herself to her room. She lays in bed and cries herself to sleep.

//

School for Lexa was terrible. She got made fun of more than usual. She was made to sit up front and her teacher, Mr. Pike was a mean grumpy guy. She didn’t like him. People called her FedEx, saying the FedEx truck brought her here, that she didn’t belong. This kid that sits behind her threw little balls of paper at her head, and they stuck in her hair…even though Monty combed it for her in the morning. It’s thick and curly, things stick. She sat at lunch alone and didn’t eat, didn’t make friends, didn’t make eye contact. Right now…she was feeling the loss of Clarke in her gut. It flipped and churned, and missed Clarke badly in this moment. Clarke would have never let this happen to her.

When school is over Lexa couldn’t wait to leave. School was no longer her safe haven, no longer what she looks forward to. She still does her work like always, and does extra work when given it. But she is too afraid to ask Mr. Pike for more.

She sits with Maddie as she does her homework. Lexa had apologized for scaring her yesterday. Maddie understands not liking to be touched, she doesn’t like it sometimes either. Maddie, likes it when Lexa sits with her. She explains her homework to Lexa, teaching her long division, and multiplication. Maddie makes up songs for Lexa to better understand it. She does her reading homework out loud now. Reading books that Lexa can’t read yet. She loves having someone more her age around. She loves Lexa. They’re slowly warming up to each other. So far Maddie has been the only one get a little smile out of Lexa.

Monty and Lexa get along fabulously he does her hair every morning. She asks him to sit with her while she’s in the shower, to guard the door, and talk to her, make jokes like he always does. He loves that. She sits and guards the door for him too. Monty attends dinner now, at the table instead of in his room.  Who knew all it would take to get Monty to the table was a tiny, malnourished, five year old. Lexa tries not to let herself get attached. But she smiles inside…this is what a family feels like right?? Is this what it’s supposed to be like?? The greens home have held a lot of firsts for Lexa.

Her first clean home.   
Her first home where she has been treated nicely, with her boundaries respected.   
Her first home with a bed, and pillows with nice warm blankets.   
Her first coat.   
Her first smelly good soap.   
Her first hair brush.   
Her first family dinner.   
Her first…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome.  
> Just keep the negativity to yourself. 
> 
> Stay safe little my planetariums!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. 
> 
> My updates are going to be very slow for a little while longer.   
> I'm really busy, and my mental health hasn't been that great. So stay with me, I apprieciate everyone who has stayed even though i'm shitty at updating frequently.   
> As for my other stories I will get on them as soon as possible. I have some ideas for them that I am currently trying to flesh out. 
> 
> the best way to check up on my stories is through tumblr.   
> It's Awkwardspacebean as well. I'm always on there so if you have questions or oneshot prompts or just wanna talk. I'll mostly be there.

The next month goes by really slowly for Clarke. She mopes her way to school, hating the way her backpack is light with one lunch and no markers. How there is always an empty seat right next to her, reminding her of the beautiful girl she used to try to make laugh, she considered it a score when she made Lexa’s resolve break and she made her smile a little or when she caught a little chuckle in the back of her throat. It was always Clarke’s goal to make Lexa smile at least once a day. She says its healthy.

She eats alone at lunch and one day, Octavia Blake made a reappearance.

“Want to come sit with us now??”

“No, I’m waiting for Lexa.” Clarke stated, the same as last time.

“Who??” Octavia asked, the same as last time. This time, it made Clarke mad.

“You know, Lexa, small, curly brown hair, and big green eyes. Tired looking?? She sits in the back…with me.”

“ohhh right—her” Octavia scoffs. “Why do you care? She’s gross, she smells weird, and she never talks. She can’t make that good of a friend. Also, she’s not coming back.” She laughs, crinkling her nose, just thinking about Lexa.

Clarke stands up and screams, jumping on the girl, tackling her to the floor.

“TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BAck, take it back, _take it back, t a k e  i t  b a c k._ _T a k e I t B a c k.”_ Clarke’s yelling turns into sobs and her punches turn into weak nudges as the teacher pulls her off of the girl. She’s weak and pliant in her teacher’s arms.

//

Lexa adjusts to the bullies and ignores them, sometimes, she even makes witty comebacks that Monty taught her. Some kid asked if she wanted to sit with them at lunch, and even though no company can ever compare to Clarke. Lexa took them up on it. She still didn’t talk, and she didn’t eat lunch. But at least she wasn’t at a table alone. Being singled out.

Five months of this… Five months of no Clarke, five months of a new school that became familiar. Five months of the greens, Five months of smiling inside, liking the greens house more than school. What a strange concept.

One morning she woke up to screaming, and yelling, a scary thought as she remembers how things used to be. She gets out of bed and runs towards the screaming. She sees Monty, holding his little sister back, she’s flopping like a fish out of water in his arms. His eyes are red and puffy, and Hannah, she’s crying too. Holding tissue to her eyes. Saving her makeup from dripping down her cheeks and staining them. Lexa makes it further into the dining room only for her heart to sink, and tears to roll down her face rapidly. Unable to even begin trying to hold the tears back. Nyko was there… this time he couldn’t even look at her.

“What??? No. No. You can’t. They’re….they’re my—my family now… you can’t do this to me!!” her voice cracks and she begins screaming too, right along with Maddie. She runs to Monty and hugs him tight.

“Who will brush my hair, and guard the bathroom door for me??” she cries. Then she turns to Maddie. “Who will teach me how to read big words, and wake me up from nightmares?? Who will teach me their homework??”

“Mr. Nyko…you can’t take me away…I like it here. They like me here. This is the longest I’ve stayed in one place…please!?” She begs, crying so hard her knees turn to jelly under her, no longer able to hold her weight, she falls to her knees. Her face hiding in her hands as she leans her forehead on the wood floor. She has never felt pain quite like this before. First losing Clarke, then losing the greens, can things get any worse??

Nyko clears his throat to speak. His voice unwavering and robotic. He doesn’t seem to actually care. And if he does care, he has a hell of a way of showing it. “I’m sorry kid. Just doing my job.”

“WELL YOUR JOB SUCKS BALLS!!!” It seems she’s learned some new vocabulary from Monty. “ We had summer plans. It’s my birthday this month! I’m turning six. We had a pool party planned, just us four! Hannah was going to make me a star wars cake… Can’t you do something?? I’ve been a good girl…t-t-they like me here!” Lexa screams.

Nyko just looks at her, or passed her, or down at his feet. Lexa looks at hers too. The room got stuffy and silent. She takes a deep breath and swallows the rest of her tears, and anger. Looking at Hannah before she speaks.

“I guess I’ll go make use of that new trash bag you gave me…” She states, turning on her feet. She walks upstairs, takes her stuff off the dresser and her books out of the desk.  Out of all the homes Lexa has lived, this is the first place she has ever unpacked her stuff. Using the book shelves and dressers, she wa comfortable enough to think that maybe she will stay long enough to unpack, as soon as she unpacks, she has to pack again. She packs the new not stretched out garbage bag and fills it with the new clothes that Hannah bought her. She leaves her old ones behind. Not wanting to make her bag new to heavy. Takes one fluffy pillow, but doesn’t put it in the bag. She takes her strawberry fields soap too... asking Hannah for something to put the soap in. Hannah takes a deep breath and holds her tears back too. Figuring she has to be strong for her children. Lexa included.

With that she tosses the soap in the bag and swings it over her shoulder. Everyone walks her to Nyko’s sadly familiar four door sedan. She hugs everyone tight and wishes them well. Monty picks her up and swings her around one last time. Holding her tight.

“Can I see your journal little one??” Monty asks, kneeling in the grass so he is eye level with Lexa.

She opens it to a clean page, and hands it to him. He clicks the purple pen, and writes down a number, and his name under it. “Call me, if you need anything. Okay?? We would cross the world and back for you. You’ll always be family…” He says, a single tear rolling down his face.

Lexa wipes it off with her thumb. “Thank you…for everything.”

She moved down the line and asks Maddie for a hug. “Don’t forget me, okay??” Maddie says.

“I could never…even if I tried.” Lexa smiled, wiping her tears away too. Maddie granted her a hug and it took a good ten minutes for Maddie to willingly let go. “Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind.” Maddie quoted her and Lexa’s favorite movie. Lexa nodded. Unable to say anything through the lump in her throat. She clings to Maddie one last time with everything she’s got. She has never gotten along with someone her age before. Lexa loves Maddie, and Maddie loves Lexa. She loved having a baby sister, Maddie hated being the baby sister, but god did she love Lexa.

She went down the line and hugged Hannah.

“You showed me what it means to be a family. I had never had family before. Thank you for teaching me how to express my feelings even if they’re bad feelings. Thank you…” Hannah couldn’t do it. She couldn’t contain her tears and she didn’t want to let Lexa go either. But she had to be the adult. She had to let her go.

Lexa climbs into the car and Nyko shuts the door.  She waves out the rear window for as long as she can still see her family.

Lexa wonders where she’s being brought now. She wonders if she will ever see the greens again.

She writes down another last name on her ever growing list of foster homes she’s been taken out of. She puts a star next to the greens, because this was her favorite home.

//

_First day of fourth grade_.

Clarke walks into school carrying her backpack that was now mostly full with sketch books, pencils and different sharpeners, some have grown dull, but she can’t throw them away just yet.

A lot has changed for Clarke in four years. She became friends with Octavia Blake, once Clarke realized that Lexa was never coming back for her. She gave into Octavia’s advances. She didn’t want to be the odd one out with zero friends. And since then, her and Octavia have grown to be inseparable. Having sleepovers, and going to birthday parties, they go to the mall every now and then to go to places like build-a-bear, and different clothing stores. Octavia never lets go of Clarke’s hand while walking around.

Clarke sits down in her class, right next to Octavia. They hug to great each other and talk about the summer, even though they spent the entire summer together. They’re still excited about it.

They continue to talk about clothes, and scheduling another sleepover until Class starts.

Fourth grade is the start of binders, Clarke was really excited to get a binder because she wanted to design the front of it. Her father even bought her a new rainbow array of sharpies to do so with.

/

Lexa on the other hand.

School continues to get more and more complicated as she moves around.

She was in seventeen different homes by the time she turned Six.

She just turned Nine this summer, that makes twenty-five homes since she was born. She doesn’t make friends, because she doesn’t want to get attached to anyone, or anyone to get attached to her.  She doesn’t let people approach her to even _try_ to be her friend. Everyone knows she’s a foster kid. She makes it known now. Lexa doesn’t want to hide it anymore. She doesn’t want people to be nice to her, then when they find out just how unwanted she is, they don’t want her anymore. No one wants broken goods.

So, she walks into Class with one spiral notebook, and one folder. And old and decrepit composition book with her name scribbled across the front. Clarkes doodles are the only thing that’s held up in that book. Lexa covered them with clear mail tape she found in a room she slept in at one house. The room was full of boxes and packing stuff. Things their son left behind when he went away for college.

She has also held onto her tiny spiral notebook and purple pen. It has run out of ink by now, but she still keeps it. She’ll cling to anything with a shred of sentimental value. Especially since she lost her ring. She keeps the old ratty sweater, Clarke’s doodles, and her empty purple pen. Those are things that are strictly _hers_. Things she refuses let out of her sight.

Lexa sits at the back of her class, all alone. Like always.

The entire class is talking. Gaggles of girls squealing as they hug the friends they haven’t seen over the summer, and reconciling with the old ones from a few grades back. Lexa just sits in the back and observes. Watching all of the smiley kids have fun with their friends as she rests her chin in her palms and day dreams about having a friends one day.

When Class starts, they play a few ‘get to know you games’ these are the bane of every introverts existence. Spending the entire time thinking of and rehearsing the things you are going to say when they get to you. Thinking so hard that by the time they get to Lexa she doesn’t realize they have gotten to her already. Everyone is looking at her, and she looks back in shock with wide eyes and a racing heart. The teacher ends up introducing Lexa, herself. Just to end the awkward gawking and thick tension in the air.

/

Clarke plays along.

She’s always been the extrovert. Making friends everywhere she steps. She loves the ‘get to know you’ games. She often tries to answer the questions with long winded explanations.

“Well, My name is Clarke griffin. My favorite color is green. My favorite hobby is art. You know, my daddy is an artist. Me and him paint together all the time, sometimes we do big projects and he lets me help him paint cars, and boats and things like that. He’s an engineer.” Most times, the teachers have to tell her to stop talking to let other kids get their turn.

Once the games are over, and they’re given work to do. The entire class groans. Not wanting to start off the first day of school with work, and homework.

/

Lexa is happy to start working, she even finishes early and asks for more.

The teacher looks at her funny because- _what nine year old wants more work??-_ but as always, Lexa is different. And teachers always give her more work.

People don’t bully her as much anymore. Monty taught her how to take care of her hair, and she does take care of it. It’s not fluffy and feathery anymore like it used to be when she was with Monty. It’s big, and still soft and curly, just not as frizzy as it used to be. Thank goodness for that. She doesn’t have to be forced or told to take showers anymore. She does that on her own accord. But she still showers as fast as possible. Still afraid someone will walk in on her. So she doesn’t smell bad as often as she used to.  

And if she does get bullied it’s because she’s a foster child. People tell her she’s unwanted and unlovable, because if that weren’t true than she would have been adopted by now. But they don’t know the system. They don’t know she hasn’t stayed in one home long enough to feel comfortable. Long enough to stop putting up a fight. Long enough for her foster families to realize that she really isn’t a difficult kid, that she’s just scared right now. She cannot allow herself to fall for a family again.

After a while she stopped calling Monty. It took her about a year to realize she won’t ever be able to see them again. So, she tried hard to detach herself.

She still looks to the back of her book where Monty wrote his number down though. She’s memorized it now from the amount of times she’s dialed it. She definitely misses the greens.

Once the bell rings for recess every kid in her class stands up and rushes towards their lockers to get their coats and hats so they can play on the playground. Lexa waits behind wanting to stay in the classroom.

“Lexa, aren’t you coming?” Her teacher asks her.

She turns her head to look at her, the woman’s big brown eyes looking down on Lexa pitifully. Lexa hates that look, she resents it. She doesn’t want to be pitied, she just wants to be left alone.

“No, I’m going to stay here.” Lexa mumbles. It’s the first sentence she’s said all day. Her voice is hoarse from lack of use. She does speak much anymore. Not even at her foster homes. She mostly nods, and shrugs her shoulders.

The teacher dips out for a second, catching a teacher in the hallway, asking them if they could look out for Lexa while her class goes to recess.

A new teacher comes it and sits in the desk right next to Lexa. sitting with her while she writes in her disheveled composition book.

“I’m the guidance counselor here at Azgeda Elementary. I’m Ontari.” She introduces herself. Lexa doesn’t look up, doesn’t even take notice to the fact this lady said anything at all.

So, she tries again. “How long have you had that book?” Ontari reaches out, trying to touch the corner of the book, but Lexa rips it away.

“Long time.” She hisses. Not letting anyone get near it, ever.

“Did you draw all of those animals there??” Ontari questions.

Lexa shakes her head.

“Oh, who did.”

“None of your business. I stayed here so I could sit in quiet. So how about we do that?” Lexa says, her voice is searing with anger.

Ontari just nods, not knowing what else to really say. Knowing it’s probably best if she just said nothing at all.

Once all is quiet and they can hear the birds chirping outside. Lexa revels in the peace. Unable to receive it anywhere else. She loves the quiet. The sound of happy birds talking to each other. The sounds of happy kids playing in the distance. She loves the peace. She smiles inside as she writes in her book. This is the first time, in a long time, that she’s allowed herself to remember Clarke, and Maddie, and Monty, and Hannah green. She writes about them, missing them, she doesn’t want to ever forget the feelings that these people made her feel. She even writes about Clarke’s dad. How she loved that she got lunches with her name on them. She felt like she belonged, and now she doesn’t feel anything.

Lexa lives in an apartment building right now. With no other kids and an older couple. They’re maybe in their Late Fourties to Mid-fifties. They put granola in their yogurt and that makes Lexa gag.

They don’t speak much to each other, or to Lexa, the house is quiet but the tension and the vibes are nothing but. Lexa feels uncomfortable all the time in this home. She sleeps on the carpeting that smells like mildew and she can hear the mice rustling around and squeaking in the kitchen. They only make packet food, and Lexa sometimes has no choice but to eat it. The Man stands over her and makes sure she eats every bit of the food on her plate. Even if she doesn’t like it. He watches her like a hawk, she has nowhere to spit it out.

Lexa keeps a detailed journal of everything that has happened to her, and what the house it like. Sometimes she can’t find the words to describe her anxiety, disgust, or hatred. But she works it out. She often asks her teachers for words too.

/

Clarke enjoys recess she does. But she likes to sit on the bench and draw instead.

Octavia tries to pull her towards the playground, and gets down on her knees begging Clarke to come play with her, but Clarke just isn’t interested. She wants to spend the rest of the warm summer like weather outside drawing while she still can.

She’s always loved to draw outside. She likes the benches and the trees. She likes drawing the playground structure. She even draws herself, on the bench drawing. When she draws things like this, she doesn’t ever color them in. She only colors in the cartoon things she draws. Like animals. She colors those in. And man, does she love drawing raccoons. She doesn’t know what it is about raccoons, she just loves them so much.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is always welcome. Just keep the negativity to yourself.   
> I love comments, they make me smile. 
> 
> Stay safe little stars.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back. Here's this chapter, I hope you like it!

Clarke’s room is painted blue and she has glow in the dark planets stuck to the ceiling. She absolutely loves her glow in the dark planets. They make her feel comfortable. She never has sleepovers in her room because she is afraid the other girls in her group of friends will make her feel bad for not having a room like theirs, and she doesn’t agree with changing yourself for other people so she just tends to keep everyone out of her room. She is always good at keeping it neat, her parents rarely have to tell her to clean it up.  Clarke is a rare kid in terms of how she keeps her room. She likes to know where her things are, and she likes to keep her things nice. She doesn’t care if she gets paint on literally every inch of her body and clothing, but she has to keep her room neat.

It’s Christmas break and she has off school for fourteen days. She is excited about Christmas, she likes getting snow and listening to Christmas carols, she loves it when her father has off work and sometimes her mom too. She likes it when everyone is together. That doesn’t happen very often. 

Clarke still draws, and her dad has even enrolled her in a painting class with kids her age at the local community college. She loves it there, how the room always smells like paints, and the kids there are really nice. It’s not easy to find kids that are into the same things as she is at school. Her and Octavia are polar opposites, they don’t have much in common. So, finding artsy kids in her painting class is something new and exciting.

There are only a few problems. One: the class is at 8:00a.m. and Clarke is _not_ a morning person. And Two: Class is still on during her Christmas break. _How is that fair?!_  

“Clarke, you have to wake up we’re going to be late.” Jake says for the fifth time this morning. Clarke mumbles and groans into her pillow, turning away from her father.

“Do you just not want to go then?” He asks.

“No, no, noo” She whines, sitting up out of bed. Her hair sticking up straight in all directions, and her eyes are barely able to stay open. Her dad opens her dark blue curtains, morning light flooding, filling the whole room. With that she closes her eyes and tries to rub them into focus.

“Get ready. Leaving in ten, we will get breakfast on the way.”

Clarke drags her feet across the carpet, out into the hallway and to the bathroom. When she reaches out for the door handle it shocks her. She quickly pulls her hand back and squeals.

“That’s what you get for dragging your feet.” Jake laughs, and Clarke turns around and throws daggers at him with her eyes.

Clarke takes her time and takes way longer than ten minutes to get ready.

She pulls on stripped leggings and an old t-shirt of her dads. She always wears something of the sort to her painting class because her mom doesn’t want her to get her other clothes all messy. Clarke doesn’t care if all her clothes had paint on them, but her mother certainly does.

Hopping in the car she buckles her seat belt and puts her head back, falling back to sleep almost instantly. Again, not a morning person.

/

“Where are you taking me now??” Lexa asks, sounding completely unaffected. She sounds emotionless. Like she doesn’t care that she’s going to another place. Because, that’s how she feels. Drained, and emotionless. She’s good at sounding like she doesn’t care, even if everyone knows how much she really does.

“Another family. The Queens, Nia, and her son Roan.” He tells her, unable to look back at her.

“Why do you have this job?? Do you like ruining my life? You ruined my life you know??? How many other kids lives do you ruin?? Or do you just have a special thing against me??” Lexa asks so nonchalantly. Like she didn’t just call him a home wrecker.  

“I don’t have anything against you. I have this job because I want to _help_ kids in the foster system. Finding families that will take troubled nine year old’s isn’t as easy as it seems. Especially over Christmas.  I never wanted to move you from the Greens Lexa. I knew it would be a good home for you there.” Nyko Explained.

“Then why did you?” She questions, crossing her arms over her chest. She looks at him through the rear view mirror with her deathly green gaze.

“Because, her fostering license was about to be up and you couldn’t stay there.”

“Well, I hate you. Every time things get good. You appear. Like magic…and not the good kind either.” She huffs. Crossing her arms over her chest. “It hasn’t been good since then you know. I’m glad you’re taking me from yogurt granola old people though. The old man hit me if I didn’t eat their packet food. It was so nasty. And you did that to me. You put me there. It’s your fault they hit me.”  

“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you kid. I know how tough this is…”

“You have everything. One home, the same family. I don’t have anything but a journal and an old sweater that belonged to my crappy family. You don’t know anything, there is no way for you to understand.” Lexa hums. Looking out the window, ignoring whatever he said after that.

When he pulled up to a rather large house Lexa’s eyes grew. There is no way she is staying in a literal fucking mansion. She wonders about the house, about the people inside _. Is it nice in there?? I bet everything inside is super expensive. I don’t belong in a house that looks like that, I don’t belong anywhere, but i definitely don’t belong here. Are the people inside nice?? They don’t sound nice, and from my experience. Rich people aren’t very nice to kids like me. *cough* the Blake’s *Cough* *Cough*_

“Can’t you just lie and tell whoever told you to take me away that you did take me away?? Oh I know, I could stage my own death, change my name!! Then go live with the greens because I am not gonna last long in here.” Lexa rambles, getting excited about her ideas. Because really…they are _great_ ideas.

“That would cost me my job.” Nyko said.

“Good, cause you could do much better ya know? Anything but this job…like I said. It sucks balls.” She states Matter-o-factly.

“Get your bag, and stop speaking like that.” He scolds.

Lexa rolls her eyes and climbs out of the car. Her new-not stretched out-garbage bag that Hannah gave her is now, old and has a few holes in it. But she still has it.

Slung over her shoulder as always, she climbs the stairs of the mansion and stands in front of the oversized double doors. Nyko rings the doorbell before tucking just his thumbs into his pockets.

A tall woman with brown/blonde hair. Done in some ridiculous up-do and scars littering her face. They are precise and certain. Someone did that to her face on purpose. Next a tall, thin but muscular teenager with shoulder length- and greasy- hair rounds the corner. Unlike his mother, he has dark hair, but scars muddle his face as well.

Lexa winces thinking about the scars, how’d they get there? Why are they there? Would they do that to her too?? _God I hope not. They look like they were once painful._ It takes everything in her not to blurt out something along the lines of “What’s wrong with your face??” But she knows if someone pointed out the scars on her body like that, she wouldn’t be happy about it. She doesn’t want to remind anyone of any trauma that has happened to them, because she doesn’t want to be reminded of hers.

The woman bends down to Lexa’s level, getting right in her face she just looks at her… not introducing herself, not saying anything but looking deep into her eyes. It’s scary. She gets a close up of the woman’s face, examining every piece of the scar on her face _. It looks even, not like someone did it with a knife. But if it wasn’t done in a knife, what was it done with??_ She wonders.

“Hi.” Lexa chokes out. Wondering when this lady will say something and get out of her face.

Without a word, she stands back up. Getting out of the doorway, silently welcoming Lexa in. The boy stands at the bottom of the staircase. His hands behind his back, looking straight ahead. Lexa wonders why he stands like this. So, formal, like military or warrior but nowhere near your everyday family. Everything about these people, is creeping Lexa out.

Once Lexa walks in and Nyko says his goodbyes. She shuts the door behind them, then speaks.

“Welcome…Alexandria is it??” She hums. _Even her voice is eerie!_

“Uh—uh—yeah. But you could just call me Lexa.” She stutters. Her heart pounds against her ribcage, she can feel her heart beat in her fingertips and she wishes it to go away. Maybe if it stopped pounding it would stop beating all together. Because in the-almost- 10 years of her life, she has not lived a day without it beating so quickly. If it would stop, she would be out of foster care. Maybe she would be able to see Clarke again…maybe…

Life is full of maybe’s. You have no other certainty than the fact the sun will rise again tomorrow. But how do you know where east is, when you keep moving around?? No matter where you are, or where east it, the sun never fails to come up. Not yet anyways.

“Well, Alexandria… I’m Nia Queen. This is my son Roan.” With that the boy nods, still not faltering in his stance.

“Hi, I’m Lexa.” Lexa smiles up at him, holding out her hand for a shake. He nods again, shaking her little hand firmly.

“Let me show you to where you’ll be sleeping.” Nia says, walking up the stairs. Lexa follows silently. Then Roan behind her. He puts his hand under her trash bag, making it lighter for her. Lexa looks back and he smiles a little. She turns back around and continues her trip up the stairs, Nia waits at the top.

Lexa is still quite small for a nine year old, slightly malnourished, weak, and uncoordinated, she walks up the stairs one step at a time. Stepping up one, then placing her other foot on the same step. Therefore making it take a long time for her to get to the top.

Nia taps her foot impatiently while Roan walks behind her with all the patience in the world. His hand still under the bag.

Once they make it up the stairs Lexa lets her trash bag plop on the floor. Nia directs her into a large room, it’s plain white, with white everything. Walls, sheets, pillows, blankets. Like an isolation room, or a hospital. It’s really boring, and depressing.  But nothing will ever measure up to the calming blue of her side of the room at the Greens.

There is a large bed, and right next to the large bed is a little cot on the floor. With a flat pillow, and thin white throw blankets.

“This is Roan’s room. Since you will not be staying with us long. You will be sleeping in his room. I will now go over the rules of my house.” She states robotically. Much like when teachers read instructions for standardized tests. _Welp, at least I already know they don’t want me here._

Before waiting for any kind of recognition that Lexa is retaining what she is saying, she begins speaking. “Since school is out on Christmas break, I need you to keep my house quiet, and wherever roan goes you go. If he goes out, you go with him. I do not have the time, nor the patience to be looking after a small child. Dinner is to be finished by 8:00p.m. Lights go out at 9:00 sharp. So, make sure to wash up, and do what you do before bed quickly and efficiently. Roan’s curfew is 11:00p.m. so if he is out until then, so are you. If there is something you don’t like keep it to yourself. As long as you are in my house, you will attend church, you will dress accordingly. I like a quiet and clean hime. I will not have a small child ruin that. Understand??” She rambles off rule by rule, and somehow, there still might be more to come.

“Yes.” Lexa nods.

“Yesss—“ Nia hisses. Waiting for a Ma’am but Lexa doesn’t know that a Ma’am is required. Nia turns to the bathroom that is connected to Roans room.  “I took the liberty to buy you some church clothes as I’m assuming you don’t own anything nice. By the looks of it…I was right.” She sneers. “And brush out that rat’s nest on your head, I do not need you embarrassing me out in public.”

Leaving the room Nia shuts the door behind her. Once the door is shut Roan loosens up completely. Letting out a huff of breath that he was holding, he plops down on his bed, and looks through his phone.

Lexa sits down behind her trash bag on the floor, laying her head on the bag she looks up at the ceiling.

“Uh-uh…I-I-I- No offence, but your mother is terrifying…” Lexa stutters, making sure not to make eye contact with the boy, still a little afraid of her new surroundings.

Roan sighs, and nods. “No offence is taken. You’ll get used to her.” He shrugs.

“Yeahhh, I don’t think so.” Lexa shakes her head. Unable to believe that statement.

He just giggles at her certainty.

His phone rings and he answers it quickly, apparently he was awaiting the call.

He hums yes’s and no’s to whoever is speaking to him. “Okay, but I’ll have to bring a kid that my mom is fostering, with me.” He says, and Lexa sits up a little saddened by his words.

Because a kid that someone is fostering is _all I’ll ever be…_

“How old are you?” He asks her.

“I-I-I-I’m Nine.” She stutters.

“Nine” He repeats into the phone.

“Okay, see ya in a little bit.”

“Lets get ready to go then.” He says, standing back up he throws a coat on and waits by his door for Lexa.

“Where are we going?” Lexa questions, she realizes she may have to get used to a few new surroundings now, and that scares her.

“My friends house to play video games.”

“Video games? Can I play?” Lexa asks, brushing her hair out.

“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask.”

“Okay.” Lexa shrugs.

Once she is ready her and roan walk down the stairs. “Mom, we’re going to Echoes house!” He calls out.

“Be home by eleven! And take the kid with you!!” She calls back. Roan rolls his eyes, and nods. Grabbing the keys and grabs Lexa’s wrist pulling her out of the house.

“Let me go, let me go!” Lexa cries, trying to peel roans hands off of her.

“Sorry. You just walk slow.”

“I do not like being touched. Never do that again or I’ll cause havoc.” She growls, tears still running freely down her face, but you can’t hear it in her voice. If she was bigger, and stronger, she would be intimidating.

Roan just laughs her off, not believing such a small and weak kid could “Cause havoc” It sounds just as ridiculous as it would look.

The air in the car is thick with tension and negativity. It makes Lexa’s heart pound and palms sweat. She rests her head on the little ledge of the backseat window and looks up at the sky through the trees. Because no matter where you are in the world, looking at the sky you can always imagine yourself in the same place. That’s what Lexa does. She feels at home looking at the leaves turning colors, and the flowers blooming. That’s when she feels the most safe. Surrounded by big strong trees, they used to be small like her, so tiny that someone could step on them, or pull them out. But they grew big and strong anyways. Lexa is only a sprout in this big world. And she has been stepped on and pulled out numerous times, but somehow she re-roots herself. Every. Single. Time. No matter how sick and tired of her life, she brings herself back, and she starts to grow again.

It was only a ten minute drive to Echoes house. Once they get there Lexa’s eyes grow even wider. It’s a big house. Much like the queen’s house but...different. Lexa sees a pool in the back, and tennis courts on the side. Acres and Acres of land. Who would want a house this big? Is it to fuel and ego, flaunt how rich you are? What do you get out of having a big house other than having to hire like, ten people to clean it.

Roan jumps out of the car to knock on the door. Leaving Lexa in the dust.

She slips out of the car and shuts the door behind her before climbing the stairs to Echoes house. Shortly after Lexa reaches the top of the stairs, Echo answers the door. She’s short, well shorter than Roan, but tall to Lexa. (Everyone is tall to Lexa though.) She has brown hair, and a pretty. She smiles as she greets them, looking up at roan and waving. She then looks down to Lexa and speaks to her like a puppy. “Well, aren’t you cute! Hi, what’s your name?”

“Lexa.” She deadpans.

“That’s a lovely name. It’s nice to meet you.” Echo smiles.

“You too. can I play video games with you guys?” Lexa asks. Echo looks up at roan in question and he just shrugs his shoulders. Echo then nods “Sure.” She shrugs.

Lexa smiles and follows them upstairs. They enter a room that’s completely full of games. Computers and T.v’s. Video game chairs and table games. A giant projector screen on one wall with a sofa in front of it. Lexa likes this room. Her eyes light up at the sight of everything in there.

Echo just plops herself on one of the game chairs that sits on the floor. And roan sits right next to her, kicking off his shoes they start up a game.

Lexa squeals louder than she meant to when the game starts up.

“You’ve played?” Echo questions.

“Mhmm.” Lexa nods happily. Grabbing the third controller she sits on the floor next to Roan.

The three of them play and Lexa beats both their asses a few times in a row. They marvel over how good the kid is at this game, and wonder how she’s gotten so good.

Once the sunlight starts going away, Echo orders pizza and they all sit together on the floor of the game watching T.v and eating. Lexa eats as many slices as she can fit In her belly, unknowing to when she is going to eat again.

“Damn, kid and stuff down some pizza. Impressive.” Echo smiles.

“Thanks for including me guys. I don’t get included in much.”

“Of course. Anytime.” Roan says munching on his what??? sixth slice of pizza.

/

Two weeks Later Nyko comes to get Lexa. It’s ten in the morning and Lexa has just finished breakfast when the knock startles her. Nia complains about people showing up to her house this early, but she sighs a happy “Ohhh.” When she opens the door.

“Lexa, go gather your things! Your case worker is here.” She calls into the dining room before welcoming him in.

Lexa nods and carries herself upstairs. Putting her shoes on and her hair up before she grabs her trash bag of stuff, and walks back downstairs.

“New place?” Lexa asks. Looking up at nyko.

“New place kid. Let’s go.” Nyko sighs. Feeling bad for having to move Lexa around so much. But this time Nia called him to come get her, Christmas break is over and she didn’t want Lexa there any longer than that.

Lexa just walks out the door, no goodbyes or a wave. Nothing, she doesn’t like these people, they don’t like her, and they clearly didn’t want her so Lexa didn’t get attached. She walks away and sit on the curb and waits for Nyko.

She did like Roan, and she liked Echo too. But she told herself not to feel things, not to like them. But somewhere along the way she forgot, and started to let herself like Echo. They went over every single day and played video games and had movie series marathons. How can you not like people who do that??

/

Clarke’s Christmas was great. It never strays from her family’s traditions. Always the same things every year. Same family, same spots at the table, same food in the same dishes, and same tree with ornaments older than Clarke. She got presents, lots of new clothes for school, and pleany of art supplies to last her the year.  Her father taught her a new Christmas carol on his guitar, and they preformed together for the family after dinner. She drank hot chocolate, and made a point to put extra marshmallows because, why not?

 The older Clarke gets, the easier things become. She doesn’t drag herself into school anymore. She walks in with new found pep. And she’s getting better, and better with making friends. She’ll talk to anyone once. Her whole class loves her.

She’s made one friend in her art Class, a girl who is one year older than her. Raven Reyes. A loud and obnoxious little girl with one fake leg and a big heart. She paints well, and Clarke walked up to her to compliment her on her art and after that, they became birds of a feather.

Raven tells terrible dad jokes, which makes Her and Clarke’s dad get along wonderfully. Jake things Raven is hysterical and vice versa. Sometimes Clarke just stands by and rolls her eyes at the jokes the two make.

They even got Raven a Christmas gift. Clarke picked it out at a toy store called marbles. It’s a remote- controlled car but the twist is, you have to build it first. Raven is always saying how she likes building things, and wants to become an engineer for NASA someday. The older girl squealed when she saw what Clarke had picked for her. Almost deduced to tears she hugged Clarke and her father and thanked them both profusely. Now it’s back to school and they won’t see each other as much but their parents exchanged numbers and they’ll work something out so they can get together outside of school.

And Clarke is just happy to have a friend who shares similar interests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated. Just keep the negativity to yourself. 
> 
> !!!!Stay safe little space beans!!!!


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it has literally been a year since I updated this. But here I am. This hasn't been heavily edited. all mistakes are my own. I blame my dyslexia for spelling mistakes.   
> and although it is short, there will be more. i will do my best to adopt a better schedule to update. Definitely more frequently than once a year.

Nyko drives Lexa to a new place once again. They don’t talk the entire ride there; Lexa has no desire to talk with Nyko. She used to try to reason with him, but not anymore; there’s no use. He only tells her things she doesn’t want to hear. After Roan and Nia’s home, Lexa was taken to a group home where she would stay for a couple of months before hopping around houses a few more times.

Lexa is eleven now, starting middle school, hitting puberty, she’s beyond done with Nyko. Done with being in the system and has learned that she most likely won’t ever get adopted. Statistically, teenagers don’t get adopted all that much. So, she only has a couple years before there is no more hope for her. She now knows that people only agree to foster her for the $150.00 check they get each month to help pay for food and clothing for Lexa, but they rarely ever use it for her. She knows that If they actually wanted a kid, they’d have no problem using the money for her, but they do have a problem, and they don’t want a kid. But Lexa sucks it up and keeps quiet because she doesn’t want to cause any trouble, and she doesn’t want to get herself hurt. She knows how these people can get.

The new place Nyko is taking her to is a detached house in a really expensive looking neighborhood. He stops at a house with a playground in the backyard and three kids, all girls, all red heads, running around giggling and playing around on the jungle gym. Lexa rolls her eyes at how hyper they are, getting flash backs from the group home she lived in with lots of other hyper kids and how badly that turned out for her. To say she was nervous was an understatement.

They get out of the car; Lexa takes her trash bag of clothes, she still has some of the clothes Ms. Green got her; but, only the leggings fit now.  They are more like long shorts but Lexa still wears them, and she still refuses to give them up.

“Hey you must be Lexa, come on in.” moving away from the door way to allow them through. Once they are inside the Lady shuts the door behind them, and Lexa jumps at the echo it makes inside.

She then runs half way up the stairs and yells, “Cos, come down here!”

“I don’t want to, really,” A small child yells back.

“There is someone new here, and I was thinking since you’re about the same age you guys could be friends.” Echo calls back.

Seconds later a little girl comes padding down the stairs. Her feet make little paps against the cold floor. Her hair bounces around and Lexa’s heart smiles. She doesn’t know what about this person that makes her heart feel tight in her chest. Maybe it’s the little paps of her feet. Or how the girls curls bounce every time she takes a step. Or maybe her tiny voice echoing by the staircase at the sound of a possible friend.

The little girl stopped at the bottom of the staircase. Looked at Lexa, looked at the tall man standing next to her and she knew. More than a possible friend, a possible sibling and finally one her age too.

“Hi” The girl says. Her voice is hoarse, almost as if she has no voice at all, and Lexa wonders if she’s sick or if that’s just her voice. This girl is a lot smaller than Lexa so, she wonders how they could be close in age.

“Hello” Lexa waves.

“Lexa this is Costia. Cos, this is Lexa. Would you mind sharing your room with her?” the lady asks.

“Oh sure. I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all.” Costia smiles and Lexa looks to the floor. She doesn’t know why she looks at the floor. She wishes she didn’t. She wishes she saw Costia’s smile. But for now her eyes stay glued to the floor.

“Okay thank you. So, Costia why don’t you get changed into your day clothes. I’m going to make breakfast, Lexa, would you like to accompany me in the kitchen?”

“Uhm, I guess so. Yeah.“ Lexa mumbles. Tentatively shuffling further into the house, leaving Nyko by the door.”

“I’ll see ya later kid.” Nyko calls before opening the door.

“I hope not.” Lexa calls back right before he shuts the door. The echo makes Lexa jump again but no one says anything.

Lexa takes the time where no one is talking to take in her surroundings. She looks up at the ceiling to see lights and a painted off white trim. She looks at the walls and sees paintings, both professional and done by children.  She admires the large dining room with a china cabinet that she’s probably not allowed to touch. And she loves the chandelier. It’s beautiful and shiny and she wants to touch it. But she won’t. but mostly she can’t reach but also because she knows it’s probably not safe.

“So, what’s your name?” Lexa asks.

“Oh yes. My name is Indra.”

“Oh okay. Mine is Lexa. Although…I know you know that. I was just…Sorry.”

“No Apologies Necessary.”

Lexa just nods and knows she will cringe at introducing herself for the next ten years of her life.

The house slowly starts to smell like breakfast and in a few minutes Costia returns to set the table for breakfast before she sits down in a chair at the table. Costia sits at the end of the table and explains its because she’s left handed and if she doesn’t sit at the end, she bumps elbows with the person next to her since her sisters are all right handed. Lexa just nods in understanding. Her and Clarke used to bump elbows all the time at lunch.

“I like your hair. It’s curly like mine,” Costia smiles.

“Yours is prettier than mine. It’s curlier.”

“Well, its different yeah, but I like it.” Costia smiles at her. Trying to get Lexa to smile.

“Thank you.” Lexa hums. Deciding it would be a good idea to sit down at the table now. She sits right next to Costia. Her and Costia continue to have regular conversation. Whatever regular is for eleven year olds.

Indra calls for the girls outside and they come rumbling in. Their feet slap against the cold tile kitchen floor and Lexa looks into the kitchen at them interacting. They look like a happy family. The redheads definitely don’t look like Indra and now that she thinks about it, neither does Costia. Her heart swells at the thought that maybe all of them are foster kids. Maybe she has people who she can relate to.

When breakfast is finished everyone grabs a plate from the table that Costia set; we all walk into the kitchen and Indra places the same amount of everything on all of our plates. Two eggs, three strips of bacon and one pancake. Lexa has never had pancakes before but they definitely look really good.

Lexa soon learns the names of the three rambunctious red heads. The oldest, fourteen years old: Alie. The middle, age twelve years old: Luna. And the youngest, ten years old: Fox.

Lexa likes their names and their hair. It’s not a super vibrant red more like a reddish brown. It was subtle but still obviously red. They were very energetic at breakfast and it confused Lexa because they had just been out on their playground they should have tired them out by now.

“When is mom coming home Indra?” Fox asked.

“After work as always little one. Sit, and eat please. No elbows on the table,” Indra smiled. With her instruction Lexa took notice that she was the only one with her elbows on the table and she immediately took them off, not knowing why Indra didn’t want them to do that, but not wanting to get in trouble either.

“Fine.” Fox huffed. Pulling her arms off of the table.

Lexa wondered if one was mom then what was Indra? Mom too? She didn’t know that, that was a thing that could happen. She didn’t want to be rude or seem stupid so she didn’t say anything about it. Especially because she will figure it out for herself in a few days anyways.

“Alright girls quiet down please I have something I need to say,” Indra’s voice interrupts the quiet chatter of kids at the table. Everyone quiets down quite quickly and looks towards Indra with their hands in their laps. Lexa follows suit copying what everyone else is doing.

“Thank you,” She hums happily at everyone’s obedience before continuing, “I’d like to introduce a new face at our table. Girls, this is Lexa, and she will be staying with us for a while. I want you to accept her into our family as one of our own. Understand? She might take a minute to warm up to everyone but be kind, courteous, and gentle. Remember our lesson about touching people without asking first.” Indra stated. Lexa was very happy she told them not to touch her without asking. She thought that was very considerate. “Todays agenda is simple, everyone gets their chores list, and no one complains about what they got. Today is Costia’s turn to pick the music. Once all the chores are done, we will get groceries and cook. When mom gets home its family game night. Does this sound good to everyone??” Indra questioned.

A chorus of, “Yes Ma’ams’” and “Yes’” was what she got in return. Happy with the answers she sat back down and everyone continued to eat their breakfast.

Lexa wondered if she would get a list of chores, and what they would be. She looked around at the other girls and it seemed at though this was a normal Sunday for everyone. Lexa smiled inside, this might actually turn out alright. She hopes she’s right.

When breakfast is over Indra tells Costia to show Lexa the room and help her get comfortable in their room. Costia nods excitedly and runs towards the stairs. Lexa grabs her stuff and follows close behind her. Costia is a very talkative kid, and sometimes she doesn’t know when to stop talking. Or what isn’t okay to ask, but she means well.  They arrive at a green door with the name ‘Costia’ on it in big cursive letters painted with glitter.

“This is our room. I’ll make you a name tag to go with mine today. You can help obviously, since its your name. This is your bed, it isn’t made yet because we wanted to let you pick out your colors of comforter and sheets and stuff. But it will be made I promise. This here is your closet, I put hangers in there already. You also get the top half of the dresser and bookshelf. Our bathroom is right through that door, and it locks. The towel closet is in the hall, take what you need whenever you need them.” Costia thoroughly explains. Lexa thinks back for a moment about the greens house. How she got a lot of the same things there as she’s getting here. A little different but mostly the same. That makes her feel like this house will be a good one. Just because they are giving her space, and a bed, and a locking bathroom.

Once Costia has shown Lexa around, and Lexa has let go of her trash bag of belongings; they go back downstairs to find Indra and the rest of the girls at the table being given a piece of paper.

“-are everyones chores. Get them done before Mom gets home please. So before 6:00pm. Otherwise I am not picky about how quickly they get done. Lexa will you come here please.” Indra asks softly. Hoping not to scare Lexa.

But to no avail Lexa’s heart dropped. Hoping she didn’t do something wrong. She nodded and walked towards Indra. 

“This is your chores list. If you need help knowing where things go, ask me or the girls. Know that if you can’t finish them that you won’t be in trouble. There’s not many on here but I understand they can be hard to do. Tomorrow while the girls are in school we will spend the day together. I want to get to know you. Okay?” Indra smiled.

“Okay.” Lexa nods.

“Good, now off with you. Let me know if you need anything.”

Lexa nods again and then shuffles off to do her given chores. When she actually looks at the list there are only two things on there. Confused as to why she didn’t get as many as the other girls.  

  1. Put your clothes away.



This already made Lexa nervous because she never unpacks her stuff on the first day. Since it was an order given, she physically cannot disobey; so, she goes ahead and puts her clothes in the very top drawer of the dresser that Costia showed her.

  1. Create a list of things you need more of. Ex. Clothes, books, anything you want/need.



This one worried her a little bit too because she hates asking for things. but she makes the list.

  1. Strawberry fields shampoo.
  2. Composition books and purple pens.



That was all she could think of at the moment. Those were the most important things she needed anyways.  

Once she was finished, she went back down to find Indra.

“uhm, I’ve finished.” Lexa mumbles.

“Oh good. You were quick!” Indra exclaimed. “Now come with me to the linen closet. I want you to pick out the color of your bed set.” Indra got up and walked upstairs.

Indra waited for Lexa to reach the top of the stairs. Once they stood in the hallway together Indra opened the linen closet door. Lexa’s jaw almost dropped. She has never seen so many different sheets, blankets and pillows before in her life. She wanted all of them. But one particular set stood out to her the most. It was a bright blue, and on the reverse side there was a deep green. She liked those colors together.

Lexa pointed to the middle shelf and said “uhm, the blue and green one please?”

“Of course,” Indra hummed lightly. She picked up the set and walked to Lexa and Costia’s room knocking on the closed door, waiting to go in until Costia opened it up.

“Oh good. I was just getting ready to see if I could make Lexa’s bed yet.” Costia said.

“Perfect timing. Be sure to give Lexa pillows too.”

“Of course.” Costia nodded.

“Lexa could you help me out with collecting grocery bags to bring to the store?” Indra asked.

“Yes.”

Lexa silently follows Indra downstairs and directs her to the cabinet beneath the sink. There were a ton of reusable bags under there, as well as plastic ones. Indra asked her to pull out ten reusable ones and Lexa did just that. Counting carefully as she thought about how naturally this seemed to happen. She felt as though she belonged. Which, not only was quick, but weird. It used to take months to feel a sense of belonging. And now it’s happening within the first couple of hours?? She tried her best to stop it, to stop feeling like she belongs, to distance herself a little. But try as she might. Indra brought it all right back. The simple orders that Lexa follows so easily. The soft “Is everything okay? Do you need anything?” Lexa doesn’t want this feeling to be distant. She likes feeling like she belongs. It’s what she has wanted for forever, to belong.

//

Clarke couldn’t wait for the summer. Her and Octavia continued to be friends through elementary school and are now in the same homeroom in middle school. Sixth grade is almost over, and Clarke couldn’t wait to go to art camp.

Clarkes school life is nothing like it used to be. She doesn’t get the best grades. She doesn’t have as many friends as she used to. But quality over quantity. Although she’s not so sure Octavia is a quality friend. Not anymore at least. 

Clarke and Raven though? They grow more and more inseparable as each day goes on. Raven is always over at Clarkes house for movies, and diner, and sleepovers. Raven and Jake get along well. Raven wants to be an engineer so bad. So, he is already teaching her how to fix cars, and change the oil. Raven is always so happy to learn and get greasy. Clarke likes to learn too. It’s good to know about your car. How to fix it, how to do the upkeep. It makes things cheaper that way. It’s just a very practical thing to know. She also doesn’t mind getting down and dirty every now and then.  

Clarke’s love for school has slowly diminished over the years, as they continue to erase the arts. Adding in more arithmetic and history and such. Which are okay too, but as they continue to get older they try their hardest to get rid of individuality and start to breed robots. Which, isn’t okay with Clarke. Being as unique as she is, won’t let anyone squander it, ever.

Her father is turning her into a total punk rock princess. A total badass who stands up for what is right. Takes her to anti-fascist marches.  Protests for sugar glider sellers. To punk rock concerts and festivals. She’s loves it. She’s not pretty in pink anymore like she used to be. She’s clad in black jeans with band patches on it and a vest that says “put killer cops in cell blocks” (She gets in trouble at school a lot for that one.) but she wears it anyways. She’s proud of who she has become, and so is her father. She reminds him of himself when he was her age. And she has always wanted to be like him. He said for her middle school graduation he will cut her hair into a mohawk and dye it for her. She’s really excited for that!!

Other than the style change, not much has changed in Clarkes life. She still has her father, they have a wonderful relationship. They love each other to the moon and back and always will.

Clarke and her mother have always had a distant relationship, and now with Abby working fulltime in the pediatrics ward at mount weather hospital. She can’t exactly be around all that much to watch Clarke grow, and to get to know her teenager. When Abby is around her and Clarke don’t really get along. Sometimes they have little squabbles here and there. But other times, they have full on fights. Yelling and screaming. Clarke pushes over chairs out of frustration with her mother. Usually about something that won’t matter the next day. Clarke loves her mom, a lot, but she really can be a nag like…all the time.

Jake, being an engineer, is home all the time, which naturally resulted in him and Clarke having a much better relationship. Abby blames her career choice for not bonding with her daughter more, but Clarke just blames it on personality clashes.  

Over all though, Clarke’s life is good. She has a home, a family that loves her. Food in her fridge as well as in her belly. She has friends, and she is going to go to art camp for the summer. Things couldn’t really get much better than that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate comments. Just keep your negativity to yourself. As always, !!Stay safe my little space beans!!


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, i am here to bring you another chapter of this story. I hope you enjoy. This was edited by myself, so if there are mistakes they are my own. If there are mistakes that really bother you, let me know and i will do my best to fix them. 
> 
> Around the middle of Lexa's portion there is mention of past abuse. It is only one sentence long.

Four months, it’s been four months with Indra and her family.

Four months was the longest Lexa stayed in one place usually. She started looking out for Nyko, and not being able to sleep well. Tossing and turning, her nerves getting the best of her. She decided to put it aside in her head until she actually saw his car in front of the house.

Lexa has already come out of her shell, made friends with the other kids in the house. Her and Costia go to sleepovers with other kids in the neighborhood. Lexa really liked going to sleepovers. At first they were scary, she wasn’t sure how she was going to be treated. But having the security of being able to go back to Indra’s house made her feel better. Indra and Emori even told her that if she wanted to come back early, all she had to do was call.  Lexa really liked that Indra was married to a girl. She didn’t know that was a thing, or that it was allowed. Every where she had ever been it was something that was never talked about. Like it didn’t exist. It brought Lexa an unusual sense of comfort to know that there was no man in the house. Because in Lexa’s experience it was always the man that yelled first, it was always the man that hit first. Not to mention the deep voice that yells, Lexa doesn’t like being yelled at. Especially not by a loud booming voice. She was a lot less scared when it was just Indra and Emori.

Lexa was even starting to look more and more like a human. Not to mention feeling like one too. She’s growing taller, you can’t see her spine or her ribs anymore, and her hair is getting thicker. It shows what malnutrition can really do to a person. Lexa hadn’t noticed quite how skinny she was, and she didn’t even know she was malnourished, and almost sickly looking. Because that was her normal. She never not looked like that. Now she sees a whole new Lexa in the mirror looking back at her; a healthy Lexa.  She allows herself to smile when she sees herself.  

Since going to gymnastics summer camp Lexa is also gaining muscle. Her shoulders are becoming broad with muscle, and her back is defined. Usually for gymnasts eleven is a late start, but Lexa seemed to have a knack for it. Releasing her inner child is all it took for Lexa to become good at gymnastics. As well as learning to trust that when her coach touches her back to spot her, he’s helping not hurting.

Since Lexa has grown so much in such a short time she no longer fits in anything she owns. Except her old tattered sweater that she used to wear and nervously pick at. But she doesn’t wear it anymore because washing it would destroy it, and since she lost her necklace, her sweatshirt is all she has. So now she keeps it as more of a comfort thing than a warmth thing. (It probably wouldn’t be all that warm anymore anyways.)

 Indra decided to that this Saturday would just be a Lexa and Indra day. She took Lexa to the outlets to buy her a whole new selection of clothes. A nice mix of shorts, pants, and t-shirts. A new leotard for camp. The kind with shorts instead of like a once piece bathing suit. Lexa didn’t like to show too much skin. The backs of her thighs are riddled with scars from being hit. So she hates anything that shows anything above her knee. Indra even got her a new pair of sneakers. Her First actual new pair of sneakers. It would be an understatement to say Lexa was excited.

 Something Lexa learned new of herself is that she found comfort in routine. The thing about Indra and Emori’s house…there was pleanty of routine to go around. They do chores every day, eat breakfast at the same time, eat dinner at the same time. They have family movie nights every Friday, and tacos for dinner every Tuesday. Lexa reveled in the sense of Family; and thrived in the familiarity of routine.

 One of Lexa’s new favorite routines was in the morning, after showers, Emori would braid Lexa’s hair. Everyday it was a new style, a new pattern in her hair every day. Lexa loved it. Emori said she would teach Lexa to braid her own hair. Lexa jumped happily at the thought of learning how to braid like Emori does. She even let herself think of a ‘one day’. Like: _One day, I will be braiding your hair._ Someday was never something she let herself think, not since Clarke.

Soon it was Lexa’s turn to accompany Indra to the grocery store again. Five kids is too many to bring to a grocery store, especially on a Sunday. So, they trade out, bring one kid a week. Lexa loved going to the grocery store. Getting to pick out food, and help carry the bags to the car, and into the house. Lexa found it fun. Like a mini adventure with just her and Indra.

 Over the months her and Lexa began growing closer and closer. Lexa found out that Indra was a foster kid herself. That she never got adopted, aged out of the system, and her life went real bad, real quick after that. She learned that Indra used to do drugs and was homeless. Lexa was surprised to hear it all, because now, Indra has a house, a great job, a wife, and four kids she loves dearly. She was doing well, making good of her life.

“How did you get through it all?” Lexa questioned. Hoping to gain some knowledge, some advice that could help her.

“Mostly therapy. I learned how to talk about my life. I got resources to get me on my path to recovery. There was this place, it was an LGBT resource center. They found shelters for me to live in, helped me get a job. Get me back on my feet, you know?” Indra explained.  Lexa didn’t know if that helped her, but she knew she would remember what Indra had said. Maybe it will help her, sometime down the line.

“Were you ever angry? About like…you know, being in the system, and aging out?” she asked.

Indra smiled about how inquisitive Lexa really was. She never showed her wonder outwardly, or much of her feelings outwardly to be frank. It reminded Indra of herself, when she was Lexa’s age. So stoic for a child. So adult, and serious.

“Truth be told, I was always angry. Angry about everything. My life was rough, as I’m sure you understand, and being gay, and black, and a woman never made any of that easier. Learning how to talk about things really helps. It doesn’t take away the anger, but it teaches you how to cope with it. So you yourself can start working on abolishing the anger.”

“Well, I’m angry. All the time. Mostly at Nyko. I had some good things you know? One good family. One friend. Well, he took me away. Now, I feel alone. Like I don’t have anything anymore. I love it here, with you I do. But I had a friend at school and I loved her. I loved her like you love Emori and she would color with me, and bring me lunches that her dad made for us. He would make me one special, with my name on it and everything. I haven’t thought about her much till yesterday when Emori was braiding my hair for camp. Nyko took me away and didn’t let me say goodbye. I’m angry that I didn’t get to say goodbye at least.” Lexa explained. Once she started it was like opening a can of worms. She couldn’t help but to purge. At least she and Indra were the only two in the car, and she knew Indra wouldn’t Judge her.

“That’s understandable. It’s easy to be angry at someone when it seems like their fault. Nyko took you away from someone you loved and didn’t let you say goodbye. You can’t be angry at Nyko for the rest of your life. You are a strong, smart little girl, with so much ahead of you. You can’t give one little government guy have more power over you than he already has. Make a deal with me, you do your best not to think about Nyko, or being in the system. Be a kid, finish out summer camp and have the time of your life. Because in the long run, the moments like this are the ones you’re going to remember Clearly. Once you’re my age, you won’t even remember Nyko’s name. Okay??”

Indra had a way of getting through to Lexa. Having things make sense. To Lexa, forgetting Nyko’s name had sounded like the greatest thing she could think of. She did her best to just what Indra told her to do. Focus on being a kid. Have the time of her life. That sort of thing. Because Indra was right. Lexa did really want to remember her time here.

The conversation finished at the perfect time, right when Indra pulled into a spit at the store. Lexa hopped out and splashed in a puddle from last nights rain. It was a dreary kind of day, but Lexa was about to go grocery shopping. So, she was happy.

Grocery shopping is a thing that most people take for granted. They sometimes even dread going because it’s become and errand. You do it once every two weeks or so. People rush in, buy things on their list, leave and that was that. They’d stock their fridge and not think about it until two weeks when they have to do it again. 

Usually Lexa’s grocery store trips went nothing like that. It was always just Lexa and the only time she went into a grocery store was to steal a sandwich when her group home had run out of food because the person who ran the home spent their last dime on liquor. She has never actually gone shopping though. So, you could imagine her excitement when Indra asked her if she wanted to come for the first time. Of course she wanted to go. She wanted to go so bad. Outwardly she didn’t seem like she cared to go or not, hiding her feelings was one (Of what she considered) her talents.

The first time Lexa went to the store with Indra, she nearly cried when the question arose; “What do you want?”  She didn’t know how to answer, she will pretty much eat anything she is given. But Indra wasn’t going to give it up until she gave her an answer. So, Lexa asked for pizza; and Indra put a few frozen pizzas in the cart. She couldn’t help herself but smile.

Grocery shopping for them took a while because there were five kids, and two adults. So, it’s a lot of food for a lot of people. Lexa loved how long it took. She liked helping, and she found it nice to wander around the store with Indra.

Once they were finished at the store. Lexa helped pack the car, and sometimes Indra would let Lexa climb into the backseat through the trunk. That was always fun. And When they got home, everyone helped take the food into the house, and then to put it away. It worked like a well-oiled machine and it went quicker than usual with another set of helping hands.

“Thank you, girls. We will make dinner in about an hour. So, go finish your chores if you haven’t. If you have you can run about outside or relax in your room,” Indra says.

Lexa doesn’t know what to do so she follows Costia up to their room. She sits in her newly made bed, and Costia sits in hers.

“So, how do you like it here?” Costia asks.

“I like it.  This is a very nice family.”

“Yeah. I like it too.”

“Were you born into it or?” Lexa sighs, rubbing the fabric of the comforter in little circles between her fingers. Already knowing the answer but she didn’t want to be rude, or assume anything.

“No, I used to be in the system too. I was adopted like two years ago by Indra and Emori. I had been through a lot of homes by nine years old. Do you know how many you have been through?” Costia questions.

“Roughly. I don’t know exactly but about eighteen/twenty. Some homes only lasted a few weeks before the parents called Nyko to come get me.” Lexa explained. Happy to have someone who understands her at least a little.

“Me too. I used to get so angry. I didn’t understand why some people got families and I didn’t. I didn’t want to be alive at all. Sometimes I still don’t, but Indra put us all in therapy. It helps.”

Lexa sits back against the wall he bed is pushed against. “I get angry. I am angry.”

“You are allowed to be angry.” Costia states.

Lexa doesn’t know how to reply to that. All she has ever heard is: “stop yelling”, “Stop being angry”, “This is life, suck it up.” Never softly. Never so sure. Never ‘you’re allowed to be angry.’ She doesn’t know what to do with that. But it sticks with her.

Allowing yourself to feel anger is good sometimes. Bottling it up will only make things worse, and it will only hurt you. Lexa didn’t know this though, not yet. The only way she ever knew how to deal with her feelings was to not let anyone see them.   

After an hour of talking, and relating, validating each others’ feelings. Indra calls everyone down to help make dinner. Everything was timed so perfectly. Dinner was finished just in time for Emori to get home from work.

“I’m home!” She called out. With that all the kids dropped everything and ran to the door to greet her with hugs and spilling their guts about what their day was like. Emori absolutely loved to come home to be greeted like this.

Lexa hasn’t warmed up to the idea of running at someone. Nor does she like the idea of being clamored by the other kids as they run through the house. But she does walk to Emori, closely behind everyone else; and Indra closely behind her.  Lexa doesn’t hug either, not yet, but no one pushes her too. They ask, she shyly declines and they nod and move to the next person. Lexa loves that they ask, she loves to be included; it just doesn’t quite feel comfortable to be hugged yet. She is happy that everyone understands.

//

Clarke was halfway through summer camp herself. Going to a camp to do art all day every day, she was living the dream. And to say she came home covered in paint would be understatement of the year. She came home, caked in paint, craft glue, glitter, and whatever else she had used that day. When her dad saw a blue sparkly blob being released from the camp doors into the pick-up ramp he knew that, that was his Clarke. He smiled and smiled, not thinking of the fit Abby will have when she sees the mess of glitter in the car because he doesn’t care.

He likes to see her so happy. So, in her element. (Quite literally _in_ her element.) She runs to the car and climbs into the back seat.

“How was your day kiddo?” He asks, and Clarke starts her rant about what she did.

“It was great! I really had fun. We added more pages to our nature walk book. And we even started binding our own sketch books. I already filled out the cover. But it reminded me of kindergarten. My friend Wells says that when you think of someone out of the blue it means they’re thinking of you too. Do you believe that dad??” Clarke asked.

“Mmm I don’t know. I guess it depends on who it was you thought of. Like if you were soul friends or something then anything is possible.” Jake smiled. Not knowing if he fully believed in soulmates for soul friends, but he wanted to keep his daughters imagination, and belief intact before middle and high school takes that all away.

“I believe we were soul mates. Like you and mom.” Clarke hummed, so nonchalantly. Like calling someone a soulmate was no big deal.

“Who are we talking about kid?” Jake questions, getting curiouser and curiouser.

“Do you remember Lexa? You made her lunches in kindergarten because she never had any, and then she disappeared and I haven’t seen her since?” Clarke started.

“Yes?” Jake hummed.

“Well, I’ve been wearing her necklace ever since I found it in her cubby a couple days after she left. Someone asked about it today and it made me think of her. It was the first time I thought of her since well…first grade. Do you think she thinks of me too? Or do you think she forgot about me?”

At a red light Jake turned to look at Clarke. “You, Clarke. Are impossible to forget. If you feel like Lexa is your soul friend or mate or whatever, then she hasn’t forgotten about you.”

“Thanks dad.” She smiled.

“No problem Clarke.” He smiled back, looking at her through the rear view mirror.

They spent the rest of the car ride in silence. Clarke despised silence, which is why she always talks so much. But this silence she didn’t mind. She was just confused and sad, and she missed Lexa.

Once they got home, Clarke got cleaned up, scraping the glue off of her fingers, and trying to get the glitter out of her hair. She tried to wash her thoughts down the drain but it didn’t really work.

Dinner was Clarkes least favorite time. Her mother was always late, and Jake fought with Abby about it. Dinner was important to Jake. It was important to him that everyone make it to dinner. It was his families thing to all have dinner together. Ever since he was little he loved his family dinners. So, you could understand why he would be upset when Abby almost never made it.

Clarke loved her dad, but she didn’t want to spend so much time with him when him and her mother are fighting. Especially about something as mundane as dinner. They always fought. Sometimes over big things, sometimes over dinner. So, when her mother entered the house, Clarke took her dinner and went upstairs.

Her bedroom was her safe haven. It was her space, that she filled with music, practicing her guitar. She smiled happily when she was finally able to play a whole song all the way through. One that she had been practicing for a while. Music made her feel better, it cut the tension in her house in half. Made things positive again.

No one’s family is perfect. No one’s family gets along all the time 100%. Clarke had a good situation, really. Her parents loved her and did everything they could to make her happy. They are happy to provide for her. Getting her into art camps, and music classes. All of these extra curriculars that not everyone gets the privilege of having. So, she feels as though she shouldn’t complain. But having your parents fight and grow apart is stressful. They made a commitment, not only to each other but to Clarke, as their kid, to stay around, and raise her together. Clarke was afraid that they weren’t going to stay together much longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is appreciated. Comments are also appreciated. Just keep your negativity to yourself. As always, and until next time; Stay safe Space beans!!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay but here i am with another update. This one is longer than the last so hopefully that makes up for the late update. This has only been edited over once, so hopefully there shouldn't be to many mistakes.

Middle school is always the bane of our existence. Not one person has ever had the time of their life in middle school. Puberty happens, which sucks. It always sucks, but it sucks a bit worse when it didn’t make you cute. Then its place where most of the bullying happens. Lexa didn’t get bullied too badly in middle school as she finally looked like she fit in. Not too skinny, she didn’t have to be forced into a shower. Her hair was always nice and neat. Braided back like ninety percent of the time.

Middle school still wasn’t fun for Lexa, having been in different schools she was never given time to make friends and fit in.

But now Middle school is the last thing Lexa is thinking about. Almost fourteen and starting ninth grade in a week. Lexa is nervous to say the least, but she’s also excited. Indra and Emori didn’t lie to them when they said high school will definitely not be the best four years of your life. But nine times out of ten it is better than middle school.

It has been almost a year that Lexa has been with Indra and Emori. That’s definitely the longest she’s stayed in one place, and she’s loving it. She only sees Nyko now once every three months so he can come and evaluate her, see if she needs to be in another place or if she is good still. He always says that she’s good. That she doesn’t need to be moved. Lexa is starting not to dread seeing Nyko’s face.

Lexa and Costia have grown to be inseparable. They were given the option to have their own rooms but declined. Sharing a room with Lexa was the best thing Costia has ever agreed to. She loves Lexa. They help each other through nightmares, and when one of them leaves in the middle of the night for snacks they always bring back snacks for the other as well.

Lexa and Fox have also grown to be quite close. As the year went on Costia fell out of the wanting to be active and into sports phase as Fox grew into it. Lexa, she never grew out of loving gymnastics. She always finds the time and place to flip about in the back yard. She sometimes teaches Fox how to do some of the things. But mostly her and Fox play soccer in the back yard before it gets too dark.

//

Clarke, ahh Clarke. Clarke fourteen years old, starting high school, and she’s not even nervous. Clarke hates school. She hates the rich stuck up people she goes to school with. (*Cough* Octavia Blake *Cough Cough*) She hates the education system. They only care about Math, Science, Government, classes like that and she hates it. Not only are those classes boring, they give nothing to balance it out. No recess, no art class. If there is an art class its every other day instead and honestly, that is not enough to satiate the right side of Clarkes brain.

Not to mention that as they get older, they take away more and more freedom. As well as try to squander creativity and individuality. Almost every day of middle school Clarke got dress coded. Too much shoulder, too much leg, or her tummy is out. Which, is not okay because that means the school was sexualizing kids aged eleven to thirteen….so?? Ew.

Other than school Clarke mostly stays in her room. Her parents are splitting up, luckily for her she’s not stuck in a custody battle because her mom practically gave her over to her father. She definitely prefers her father because they’ve spent the majority of Clarke’s life together. But during all the court days, and hearing about how they went doesn’t feel to great, so Clarke keeps herself hidden away. At least just until the divorce is finalized.

When Clarke found out that her and her dad had to move out of her mother’s house she was a little saddened to see her childhood room go, but she was also excited because change is good, and as rude as it might be to say so, living without Abby will be a whole lot less stressful.

Clarke helped her dad find an apartment, and they agreed on a really nice one that had a pool and a gym in the complex. It was also closer to the city, and out of her gated community which Clarke liked a lot. It also meant that she was in a different school zone. And going to a different high school than she normally would have gone to…that’s what made her excited. Polaris high is a magnet school, which means way more diversity and they have great art programs. There academics are harder because they have a large focus on the arts but it’s worth it. Art will always be worth it. They even put on plays, four a year; and their sets are always amazing. Clarke can’t wait to help make sets.

Clarke is still friends with Raven. Truth be told Clarke will always be friends with Raven. She is one of the strongest people she knows. The pair are trouble makers, and they are two peas in a pod. If one is doing something rebellious, you can be damn sure that the other is their right hand. Clarke tells Raven everything. She tells her more things than she tells her father and that’s a certain level of trust that is nearly impossible to achieve. Especially with Clarke. Clarke doesn’t trust people easily.

They hang out every day and have sleepovers every weekend. Clarke can’t remember a time when they didn’t spend the weekend together. Raven loves going to Clarkes house, and having sleepovers. She enjoys Clarke’s company and Jakes companionship.

Jake sees Raven as one of his own. He loves her, feeds her, and houses her every weekend.  Raven is a pleasure to have, all parents love her. She is polite, and considerate, she always treats her friend’s families with respect. She doesn’t want them to not like her.  Raven also loves spending time with Jake. He lets her help work in his shop now. He even pays her for her work. She’s gotten so good at all of the car stuff that Jake graduated her to motorcycles. They’re even building a motorcycle together out of scrap pieces the find in the junk yard. Raven is the Mechanic daughter, and Clarke is the artsy daughter. Together, they could make one hell of a car.

Raven’s home life isn’t great, her mom basically pretends that she doesn’t exist. She had Raven young, like, sixteen years old, young. She didn’t know what the hell she was doing, and she didn’t have the best of reference points with her own mother so she did what she had to when Raven was a child, but now that Raven isn’t a child anymore, she doesn’t do much to fill the role as Raven’s mother. Once her mother was old enough, she turned into an alcoholic.  She got her alcohol anyways when she was a kid, but when she turned twenty one it all got worse.  Raven genuinely prefers her mother ignoring her existence. Because the acknowledgment wouldn’t be kind.  Raven knows how to survive, she’s done a great job so far. She’s not about to stop. The money that Jake gives her helps a whole lot. Helping her get food whenever she needs it, and helps pay for things for school, including the bus ride there.

Raven told Clarke that she is going to try to magnet into Polaris High so they can be together in school. They have a mechanics and computer science program that Raven would thrive in. Plus, school without Clarke wouldn’t be much fun, who would help her cause havoc? The chaos that Clarke and Raven create together is always something the school will remember. And it’s always loads of fun. Plus, they very rarely get caught.

//

It’s a couple days until the first day of high school and Lexa lays on her bed daydreaming up scenarios on how her first day could go. She starts with the best case first. Making friends, having good teachers, not being bullied. She enjoys this scenario and stays with it. Laughing with friends at lunch, soon her friend group gets so big that they all take up half of a lunch table. She really wishes that this is the scenario that the universe chooses for her.

Indra interrupts Lexa’s day dreaming by calling everyone down stairs. Lexa still has a hard time knowing if Indra is angry or not, because somehow, she always sounds mad. She doesn’t know if she’s ever actually seen Indra angry but she really doesn’t want to.

Once all the girls are downstairs Emori tells them to sit at the table, that they’re going to have a meeting. This makes Lexa nervous. A meeting doesn’t sound like it’s good. And this time, all of the worst things come to her mind. Maybe she has to move again. Maybe this is how Indra and Emori break it to her. Break it to all of them. Her heart starts pounding, so hard she can feel her pulse in her fingertips. She tries to keep her worry to herself. She doesn’t want to worry anyone else.

“We called you girls here for a meeting because we want you to know what your mom and I are thinking, and we want you all in on the decisions we are making.” Emori says, standing at the head of the dinning room table.

“Yes. So, Lexa, we as a family have a question to ask you,” Indra states. This sentence makes Lexa’s heart hurt and her stomach churn. She doesn’t know what is coming and she feels like she might throw up.

“We called Nyko a few weeks ago asking him for your files, and some extra papers. They came in the mail earlier today. Emori and I love you very much, and we think that you make our family whole. You are an amazing child and we want to know if you want to be apart of our family, permanently. We want to adopt you. But we wanted to ask you if that is something you want too? And the rest of you girls, we want to know if that’s okay with you guys too.”

Lexa’s heart dropped…adopted. She couldn’t control her emotions and she started bawling.

“Yes, we want Lexa. I love her.” Costia said first.

“I want her too. She’s already a part of our family I can’t see her ever not being with us.” Alie said.

“Me too. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we adore Lexa. Also, she makes like really good peanut butter jelly sandwiches and I can’t live without those.” Fox smiled.

“Id love to have Lexa as a sister. I agree with moms. I think you make this family great Lexa.” Luna hummed, always the quietest of the three red heads.

Lexa hadn’t fully registered what was happening. Her entire life she has been waiting for this moment and she couldn’t believe it was actually happening. She had started to give up, started to believe she would age out of the system just like Indra had.  She reached fourteen and never thought the day would come. Not many children get adopted as a teenager

    “You guys really want me?” Lexa asked, still unable to believe her ears.

“Yes. We all want you. So now it’s up to you. You say the word and we can mail your signed papers together and shred your files together.” Emori said happily.

“Yes, yes. I’d be honored to be a part of your family.” She sobs. A sniffling, puffy eyed mess she smiles. Bigger than she has ever smiled in her life. She was overflowing with happiness.

“Well then,” Indra says. Digging around in her pocket she pulls out a pen and takes out the three papers that her and Emori need to sign. 

“I’m signing.” Indra smiles, passing the pen and paper to Emori. “And I’ve signed.”

“We will wait for Nyko to process your papers and then we will set a court date. You all will come with us, and we already have an adoption lawyer.” Indra tells them.

“Permission to leave the table? Permission for a hug?” Lexa asks.

“Of course, Lexa. Come,” Emori says first, opening her arms for a hug.

Lexa gets up and walks to Emori, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She psyches herself up for her very first hug. And when Emori’s arms wrap around Lexa she cries, she cries because she loves this hug. It’s warm and cozy, and if she had known what a hug was like when she first came here she would have accepted one a lot sooner. But she was scared and didn’t know if she could trust them yet. But something Lexa doesn’t know, is that all hugs aren’t like this. This hug is a mothers’ hug, it’s warmer, and tighter than most. It fills Lexa’s heart with happiness. Lexa can’t stop herself from crying. It’s a good cry though. Finally, a very happy cry.

//

Lexa overwhelmed with the fact that she’s actually getting adopted. There is a family that wants her, and its not just the parent’s decision. The kids want her too, they love her like their own sibling.

The stress levels were high in the Forrester home. School was starting tomorrow, Indra and Emori were trying to schedule an appointment with their adoption lawyer, but scheduling around their schedule was not an easy task.

All of the kids were getting their school supplies in order for the morning. Lexa loves organizing school supplies. It feels so good when there is fresh paper, and new pencils in the binder.  Lexa especially loves it when all of the supplies are color coordinated. Like if her binder is green then the spiral notebooks are different shades of blue, with matching folders in front of them. The pencils are always yellow, but the paper clips are pastels and that goes nicely with the range of blues in her binder. Aesthetics are important to Lexa, but only because she likes them. They make her eyes happy.

Once Emori is finished making dinner, Indra asks the girls to put their things away and put their backpacks on the hooks by the door before coming to the dinner table.

When they all do as asked, Lexa sets the table because its her day, and she loves setting the table. She likes having responsibilities no matter how small. Routine makes Lexa feel more comfortable, responsibilities it makes Lexa feel useful, and that makes her happy.

Dinner conversation usually consists of everyone talking about their day, and complimenting whoever had made dinner that night. Lexa doesn’t talk much at dinner, she was always taught that talking while eating, or even talking at the dinner table that that was rude. Sometimes, depending on the head of the house she would get in trouble for making noise at the dinner table.

But here Indra only cares if you chomp or play with your food. If you reach over someone’s plate instead of asking for them to pass whatever it was you were reaching for, but not much else. She is a strict mother, Lexa has never seen anyone disobey her, and that’s probably for good reason. She’s a good mother though. She is sweet, and caring, her harsh exterior is just that, an exterior. But she is a marshmallow at heart. Indra is like a marshmallow that got left out on accident. Hard on the outside, fluffy on the inside, and is still really good at being a marshmallow.

Emori is like a fresh marshmallow. All soft. Very soft, can’t say no for the life of her, but she can’t help herself. She’s a good marshmallow too.

The next day comes and Indra wakes everyone up with a knock on their door and breakfast downstairs waiting for them.

About twenty minutes later the first person comes downstairs, she can tell who it is just by their steps. The first person is Alie, loud, heavy footed, and slow coming down those stairs. A full on grumpy teenager on her way to school, Alie takes the bus. She doesn’t want her mother taking her to school, and whenever her mom does take her to school after an appointment or something she makes Indra drop her off at the top of the hill. Instead of in front of the school. Her teenager brain tells her she cannot be seen anywhere _near_ her mother.

Next Costia and Lexa come tumbling down the stairs, all giggles and excitement.

Costia and Lexa they let Indra drive them to school they don’t care if they’re seen with Indra, in fact Lexa is looking forward to being seen with Indra because Indra looks more intimidating than she actually is and maybe that will scare the bullies more than Lexa’s back muscles.

Luna and Fox are last to slump down the steps, grab breakfast and eat it in the car because they were a little a few minutes to late and Indra needs to get them to school on time, and herself to work on time.

It definitely helps when all of your kids are going to the same school. When each kid was in a different school, that was hard. Especially when you have to fight a teenager to get out of bed, and the fight a child who doesn’t want to put their clothes on.

Once Lexa gets to school her and Costia leave the car and head towards the front door. Schedules in hand, they keep checking them out of nervousness for walking into the wrong classroom on the first day. Talk about social anxiety…

Room 201, American government for first period. Teacher: A. Williams. Lexa told Costia that her homeroom and first period was on level two, Costia’s was on four. So Costia walks Lexa to her level before continuing on up the stairs to level four.

When Lexa gets to her homeroom there is a teacher sitting at a desk, He’s slender and dresses like a 2000’s kid who wishes he was from the 70’s. He’s been told he looks like Nicholas Cage when he gets angry.

She walks the rest of the way in, wondering if she’s actually in the right spot because the room is empty except for the teacher and herself. She checks her schedule again and she is indeed in the right spot. Her teacher looks up at her and asks,

“Name?” Not very formal, no hi, no good morning, just a simple question that could have sounded like a demand if he didn’t sound half asleep.

“Alexandria Woods.” She answers back.

“Ahh yes, here you are. Sit wherever you like. The seats will be changed a few times within the year.” He said.

“You’re early. Homeroom doesn’t start for another five minutes.” He states, it makes Lexa nervous.

“I am, I’m not very good at mingling.” Lexa tells him before she sits in the second row near the wall.

Lexa likes the second row, because its just enough up front where you can see everything, hear everything, but you’re not up the teacher’s ass either. It’s the perfect spot.

“Me neither.” He admits, smiling at her before looking back at his newspaper.

Lexa pulls out a composition book and starts writing. She’s begun turning to short stories and poetry to cope with her life. She uses her composition book as a diary. She’s gone through four of them within the year she has been with Indra. She loves personalizing the covers and making it pretty. This morning she writes about her hope for new experiences, she tries to speak good things into existence through her writing. It helps her a lot. Her composition book used to be the only thing she could trust with her thoughts. She now has Costia, and Indra. So, the book is just for comfort now.

The bell rings and children come shuffling into the door really quickly, picking seats next to their middle school friends, and talking about their summers. Lexa did her best to keep her head down, don’t look at anyone, and don’t say anything except for “here” when her name is called.

Once everyone settles down Mr. Williams stands up.

“Good Morning Ninth graders. I’m Mr. Williams, I am your homeroom Class as well as your First period Class. I teach American Government. I don’t give much homework because unlike most teachers here I have a life and like to get out of here when school ends like the rest of you. To make sure everyone is here, I will call names. It will also be good for me to put faces to the names on my list.” He smiled.

He started taking roll, starting with last names that start with ‘A’. Alverez, Aldridge, things of that nature. People said here, and then he called the next. Getting all the way to ‘W’ he called out Alexandria Woods, and it was then Lexa realized how many kids were actually in her class. So many names, so many voices. She didn’t dare look behind her to see the amount of eyes that were looking around to see who this Alexandria was. But she wasn’t able to speak, so she just raised her hand, and luckily. That was acceptable to her teacher.

Homeroom happens, the announcements, pledge of allegiance which is the scariest most brainwash-y thing ever. Lexa doesn’t stand, she doesn’t agree with it, it creeps her out. But mostly because it’s so not true. “justice for all my ass” she says to herself.

The kid sitting next to her laughs. He’s sitting through the pledge too. Lexa likes that she’s not the only one sitting this time. Not even the teacher, the American government teacher is saying it. Which is really something.

Once all of that nonsense is over, the homeroom bell rings, Lexa looks up as she hears chairs dragging across the floors upstairs.

Mr. Williams hands out a survey. It’s got questions like: Preferred nickname? And Pronouns? Seconds later a kid yells out “What’s a pronoun??” Mr. Williams hands him a dictionary. Another question is What do you do in your free time? What are your hobbies? Little get to know you questions like that. Lexa fills hers out quickly.

‘Lexa, She/her, I write, read, draw, play with my….Sisters,’ Yeah, they’re my sisters now.

After Class Lexa heads to the gym which is only down the hall from Mr. Williams’ class.

Lexa is sporty, but never the gym class type. She doesn’t like when she has to take showers in front of people and normally she wouldn’t but gym class as second period is a curse. You can’t participate in gym and go the rest of the day with sweat on your skin, much less smelling like a teenage boy who hasn’t taken a bath in a few days.

Lunch time, lunch is Lexa’s favorite subject in school. She picks an empty table in the back corner of the cafeteria. She reads her book and eats the lunch her mother packed her.

Her nose in a book she doesn’t look up much. She will look up from time to time to see who is passing by. It’s never anyone coming to sit at her table.

//

Clarkes homeroom and first period is art. And that has Clarke very excited! Her art teacher is a nice guy, tall and bald. Really young, with a two year old daughter. She too was the first one to walk into his class in the morning. So, knowing how much Clarke likes to talk, her and her teacher got to talking. He showed Clarke pictures of paintings he did in college, and Clarke showed him some pictures she painted in middle school.

When lunch came around of course her and Raven tried to find an empty table. A table all for themselves. Clarke likes sharing, she is good at it always has been. But it’s the first day of high school. The only person she knows in Raven. She doesn’t want to share a table with anyone else. Unfortunately, the most empty table had one person sitting at it. Clarke pointed to the table and looked at Raven, it looked like their best bet.

The person sitting at the table had brown curly hair running down her back partially braided and sitting neat on her shoulders. Her backpack up on the table in front of her face, and her lunch box blocking what she was eating. She was low down so all you could see was her shoulders and some of her hair.

Clarke and Raven sat at the opposite end of where the girl was. Clearly, she didn’t want to be bothered.

//

Lexa was got a little frustrated by the noise level of the two girls that came to sit at her table. She didn’t want to be rude and ask them to be quiet so she sat there and suffered through the extra sensory hell that these two teen girls added to the overly crowded cafeteria.

Lexa ate her lunch as fast as she could so she could eat without being watched. After she ate there was nothing better to do than to eavesdrop on what the two girls were saying at the opposite end of her table.

She learned one girls name, Raven, the pretty tan girl across from the blonde girl with the nice gravelly voice. She learned Raven likes mechanics, and that she works in a shop with the blonde girls dad. She also learned the blonde girl bought Raven breakfast this morning. And invited her for dinner tonight. Lexa thought that, that was very nice of the blonde girl.

Now she was trying to catch the blonde girls face without looking like she’s staring. But It looks like she’s staring and it looks like she’s been caught. Because now Raven is whispering, and now the blonde girl looks at Lexa.

Lexa feels her heart stop, and her face get all red. Because the blonde girl stopped as soon as she caught a glimps of Lexa’s face and it turns out that Blonde girl with the nice gravelly voice is that very same blonde girl that brought Lexa lunch. Blonde girl is Lexa’s Clarke and Lexa can’t help but hold her tears back. Because she knows, blonde girl is Clarke. Clarke. Her Clarke. No matter how many times she says her name in her head she still cannot believe it, so she decides to say it out loud this time.

“Clarke?” Lexa asks, her voice cracking, she’s embarrassed.

Clarke stands up and she walks closer to Lexa. “No way.” Clarke said, still unable to believe her eyes. She can barely bring herself to say her name.

But she does, “Lexa, oh my god. Can I give you a hug??” Clarke asks.

Lexa has always been unsure of hugs. She just let her family hug her but for some reason, her mouth says yes before her mind can say no. And she is so happy that it did because this is the best hug.

They’re both bawling in each other’s embrace in the middle of the cafeteria with a slightly confused raven watching them, and neither of them have a care in the world.

Lexa feels full, whole, happy. She’s getting adopted, her and Clarke found each other again, nothing could be better than this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. Comments and Constructive Criticism are welcomed, just keep the negativity to yourself. As always !!!!!Stay safe space beans!!!!!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy snap I'm early for once in my life!! I went from being a year late to now almost a week earlier than i usually like to post. I Cant believe it!!
> 
> This has only been edited once by spell check. All mistakes are mine. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's really soft and mushy and i love it. So i hope you do too!!

A week into high school, and it’s been the best week of Clarke’s life. Her, Raven and Lexa planned a weekend sleepover at Clarke’s house. Clarke’s dad is okay with it, he is really excited to finally meet the girl he had made the lunches for nine years ago.

Clarke told Lexa she’s been wearing her ring necklace for well, nine years. Since the last time they saw each other. While it relieved Lexa to know that it wasn’t lost, and that she was almost in tears when she realized she didn’t have it and didn’t know where it had been. Now, she would prefer Clarke to hold onto it.

Clarke held onto a lot more than just Lexa’s ring. She held onto the blue composition book that Lexa gave her the first day of kindergarten. Clarkes name is still etched on the front in black sharpie marker; the front page still says “Keep the hole thing” in little Lexa handwriting. It was the only composition book Clarke ever filled up.

Clarke also held onto her memories of Lexa. Of coloring together, of drawing on the inside of Lexa’s composition books. As hard as Clarke tried to remember Lexa’s one and only laugh. Tried to remember her voice but it didn’t stay with her. As time went on she forgot more and more details. When you remember things from childhood you never really remember them as they happened. You remember them as you last remembered them so nothing ends up being completely accurate.

But she never forgot Lexa as a whole. Her messy brown hair, her bright green eyes that sparkled even though Lexa was a timid, scared kid.

So, the day she saw Lexa’s face at the lunch table, she knew it was Lexa. From that day forward things continued like they’d been friends since kindergarten, like there wasn’t a nine year gap. Lexa and Raven got along really well. They like similar things, being active in sports, gym class; that sort of thing. It made Clarke extremely happy to see her two favorite people get along.

Having Lexa made school more bearable for Clarke. She doesn’t like the system, it doesn’t work for her nor does it work in her favor but she will tolerate it. For Lexa, for Raven, For the art classes she gets to take at Polaris High.

So far within the first week of school Clarke got dress coded four out of the five days she went. Mostly because she was the second punkish kid they had in the school, and they didn’t agree with her “Smash the system” and “Fuck the flag” patches on her jacket. She had far worse words on her clothes than those but those were the biggest, the loudest, and the ones that bothered the system she was against the most. So more than once did they tell her to take off the jacket, turn it inside out; or to where her gym shorts instead of the pants she had on. Which wasn’t going to happen. Her clothes stayed on, and right side in.

//

Lexa’s week was emotionally overwhelming, but in a good way finally. After the first day of school was over she ran to Indra and told her all about everything. How she liked her classes, how she found Clarke and how Clarke had her long lost wedding band that was most likely her fathers. She was in happy tears telling Indra all of this, and Indra was very happy to hear about it.

She told her siblings about her day too when it was her turn to share at the dinner table. It was her second time sharing at the table, everyone was pleasantly surprised.

Today Lexa is going over to Clarke’s apartment for a sleepover. It’s her first sleepover with Clarke and she’s shaking with excitement. She woke up early to do her daily chores while her sisters were still sleeping so she would have time to pack and relax the rest of the day until going to Clarkes.

She helped Indra make breakfast, and they watched Netflix together while they waited for everyone else to wake up. Lexa and Indra were very similar. They are both early risers, over achievers, and really emotionally closed off to others until they trust you really, really well. But are actually emotional babies when they’re alone.  Since they have such similar characteristics, they click really well, so Lexa is glad she gets to have a parent to spend time with, and to come to parent teacher conferences, to help with her homework. Lexa is probably the only kid in the world that wants their parent at parent teacher conferences.

Emori went grocery shopping and ran errands most of the day. Lexa and the girls spent most of their day watching Tv. After everyone’s chores were done of course. Lexa did two things on everyone’s chore list so they could be done faster since she did hers early this morning.

By the time six o’clock came around Lexa had her backpack with day clothes, a toothbrush, and the communal sibling phone ready by the door to go. Indra asked called her to the door so they can get to Clarke’s by 6:30. Lexa of course jumped up from the couch where all the girls were watching TV together and walked to the door. Putting her shoes on and grabbing a sweatshirt from the coat closet.

The car ride to Clarkes house is quiet except for the GPS. Otherwise, Indra is driving, and Lexa is looking out the windows watching the different houses as they pass through different neighborhoods.

The only way Indra agreed to letting Lexa even go to this sleepover was if she met the parent of the house first. Alie told Lexa that Indra would ask a whole lot of embarrassing questions so try not to be around when she asks.

They go up to the apartment and ring the bell. Lexa can here four sets of feet running at the door, and seconds later Clarke and Raven are smiling up at her. 

“Lexa!!” Clarke exclaims, “Hi! Come on in. I’ll get my dad.” She smiles, waving the two into her home.

Normally Clarke would scream for her dad but she is extra cautious around Lexa, so instead Clarke disappears down a hallway and seconds later emerges with a super tall, and buff blond guy. His eyes are icy blue like Clarke’s. That comforts Lexa.

“Well hello there.” He smiles as he walks towards them. “I’m Jake Griffin, Clarke’s Dad.” He greets them both but he holds out a and for Indra first.

“I’m Indra, Lexa’s mom.” Indra said this without hesitating. She didn’t even have to think about it for a second, and that made Lexa happy.

“I hope you don’t mind, I just wanted to meet the adult that will be here.” Indra smiled.

“Oh no, of course. I wanted to meet the parent to whose kid I was having so it’s perfect. You’re welcome to come on in, can I get you something to drink??” Jake asked.

“I’m okay, how about you Lexa?” Indra questioned.

Lexa just shook her head no. While she has improved with asking Indra and Emori for things she doesn’t know Jake, she doesn’t know this environment, so it might take a few sleepovers for her to get comfortable enough to ask for things. So, for now, she’s not thirsty, and she won’t be for a good long time.

Clarke and Raven eventually stole Lexa away from Indra’s side and brought her to Clarke’s room; leaving the parents to talk.

It’s a nice room. Quite plain but that makes sense considering Clarke and her dad just moved in not too long ago. But, Lexa likes anything that is Clarke’s, this room doesn’t quite scream Clarke yet but Lexa is sure that it will.

“So, I was thinking that we could watch a movie together with some popcorn, my dad makes the best popcorn.” Clarke tells her, and Raven nods along in agreement. “I was thinking we could all just share my bed, but Lexa if that makes you uncomfortable I can blow up an air mattress right next to my bed if you want.”

It made Lexa really happy that Clarke was thinking about her like that, keeping in mind that personal space was something Lexa liked a lot. But since living with Indra, she and Costia have shared a bed countless times. When Lexa would have nightmares Costia would almost sleep walk over to Lexa climb under her covers and go back to sleep. And Lexa did the same when Costia had nightmares. So, Lexa is quite used to sharing beds by now, and really has no problem with it.

“I don’t mind. I like cuddles sometimes.” Lexa said quietly.

“Me too.” Clarke said, looking at both of her friends.

After about an hour of the three girls sitting on Clarke’s bed talking- mostly explaining to Raven how she met Lexa and then they deviated to talking about their childhoods- (Like they’re not still children.) Jake came in and sat on Clarke’s bed with the rest of the girls.

“Okay girls” He says with a faint smile. “What do you want for dinner??” He asks.

“Pizza! Please Pizza!” Clarke begged while Raven and Lexa just shrugged their shoulders. Not really caring what’s for dinner as they’re so used to not having _anything_ for dinner.

“Everyone else okay with Pizza??” He questions, looking around.

“Yes, sir. Pizza is good with me.” Lexa almost whispered.

“Yes. I like pizza.” Raven smiled.

“Perfect. I’ll order and call you when it’s here.” Jake said, before getting up and shutting the door quietly behind him.

Clarke lays out all the movies she rented from the library for Raven and Lexa to pick which they wanted to watch tonight.

Raven picked ‘thirteen ghosts’ and Lexa picked ‘Repo! Genetic Opera’. Both great movies, a little creepy but very good and entertaining. Lexa had never seen a horror movie before so she decided to pick the more sci-fi one of the few scary movies that Clarke had.  

They put Ravens pick in first. Within minutes all three of them were all under the blankets and cuddled up on Clarke’s bed. Clarke in the middle, Lexa and Raven on both sides. Lexa asked if she could wrap her arm around Clarke’s waist to which Clarke allowed; Clarke then warped her arm around Ravens waist and they were on big spooning ball of cute humans.

//

Lexa was doing her best to focus on the movie but she was so busy trying to hold back tears as this amount of touch and affection was overwhelming her. Lexa is touch starved, lets face it most kids and teenagers in America are. Every little touch by anyone no matter age or gender American society deems romantic. So, most teenagers are hungry for hugs and cuddles and even just someone to hold hands with.  But Lexa, she’s ultra-touch starved. She didn’t get coddled as a baby. Never got praised. Never got sympathy. She learned to hate being touched, especially after being hit one to many times. She would have never welcomed a hug, much less something like this.

So, the realization of her growth along with the comfort and security that Clarke and Raven are providing her was quite overwhelming. Lexa sniffled and choked back her tears. Clarke pretended not to notice, but she knew. All she knew to do to comfort Lexa was to shuffled backwards into her. Making Lexa put her chin on Clarkes shoulder.

A little less than half way through the movies Jake knocks on the door, and it makes Lexa jump away, taking her hand off of Clarke. Unsure if he would be okay with the way she was holding his daughter.

“It’s okay. He doesn’t care. It’s okay.” Clarke whispered, doing her best to reassure Lexa.

Clarke went so far as to softly grab Lexa’s hand and putt it back around her.

When Jake walked in his eyes became soft and he smiled a big goofy smile. “You girls are so cute.” He said, pulling out his phone to snap a picture of them.

“Da-aad” Clarke groans, wanting to cover her face but Raven was holding her only free hand.

“Oh, shush Clarkey. You guys are cute. You look like the cutest bunch of tacos ever. Please let me have this moment saved you’ll thank me later.” He argued back. Lexa had to agree, he had a good argument. Because she wanted this moment saved forever too.

Once he snapped a few pictures he told them that the pizza was here and to come to the table to eat.

The three of them spent the next couple of minutes in the bed, with the movie paused just existing. It was quiet, comfortable, and warm. None of them wanted to move. Not even for pizza.

But alas, Raven’s loud grumbly tummy made everyone laugh. So, Clarke decided they should get up and get food before Raven combusts.

“Hey dad. Can we have some water please??” Clarke asks.

“Of course. You girls want anything else to drink??” Jake questions. Making sure everyone is okay with just water.

“Chocolate milk if you have some.” Raven said.

“How about you Lexa?” Jake asked and Lexa just froze for a second.  Her heart beating, rattling her ribcage. She is still not very good at asking for things. She prefers to just take what she was given and not ask for anything more, but in a situation like this it was hard to get out of answering. Everyone looking at you in silence waiting for an answer. The question seems simple, but it’s hard to ask for extra things when you’ve been conditioned not to.

“No thank you sir. Water will do just fine.” Lexa mumbled, her answer delayed by a few minutes but everyone waited patiently for her to answer.

Jake got three large pizza pies and some French fries. He dished up four plates with two slices of pizza each and a really large handful of fries. Lexa was surprised at the amount of food she had been given. But to her surprise, she ate it all. And to everyone else’s surprise, she ate it all rather quickly.

“Would you like more Lexa?” Jake asked her.

“No thank you. Uhm, Mr. Griffin, were you the one to make me lunches when we were in kindergarten??” Lexa asked out of the blue, catching Jake by surprise.

“Yes. I was.” He nodded.

“Oh. Well. I am very happy that I am able to thank you for that. That was the only food I got when I was in kindergarten. And your daughter was the only person that didn’t make fun of me for my not so put together appearance.” Lexa said, never looking up at him, always looking down at her hands.

“No problem Lexa. It was my pleasure. Everyone deserves to eat. Also, there is no need for honorifics in this house. You can call me Jake, or dad, or something weird just anything other than sir, and Mr. Griffin. Makes me feel old.” He smiles. Making sure to communicate to Lexa that he wasn’t upset about the honorifics. He just wants her to feel like part of the family.

“Yes, sir—sorry. Jake. Yes Jake.” Lexa blushes from tripping over her words.

Once everyone was finished with dinner Clarke excused herself and her friends from the dinner table. They all shuffled back to Clarkes room; it took no longer than three minutes for them to arrange themselves into their spoon pile once again.

Lexa was so full, and so comfortable she barely made it through the rest of the first movie without falling asleep. But she made it, and she loved the movie. Raven put in the second movie and went to the kitchen bringing back everyone a red Gatorade and the rest of the French fries.

Once Lexa drank some of the cold Gatorade she perked up, the sugar hitting her rather quickly she was no longer sleepy. Neither was anyone else.

Clarke had seen ‘Repo! The Genetic Opera’ a few times before. It was her favorite movie. So, she sang along to all the songs—which made Lexa’s heart pound because she sounded so nice—and Clarke offered to clarify any questions that either one of her friends had.

Raven, and Lexa ended up falling asleep a little over halfway through the movie. Once Clarke noticed that they were both sound asleep she paused and turned off the TV and went to sleep herself.

//

In the morning Raven woke up first, as she always did. Her and Jake went to the garage to work on their motorcycle that they were working on building together. So far, they have two wheels, handle bars and half of an engine. Jake put Raven to work on the engine while he sorted through the scrap pieces they recently brought back home from the scrap metal yard.

After about an hour of the two engineers of the house getting really greasy Raven took a shower and then after her shower it was jakes turn. Once they were both free of grease, they made breakfast together. Trying their best to be quiet but they really didn’t do the best of jobs.  Raven adored Jake almost as much as he adored her.

Raven was like the daughter he never knew he wanted. When he found out that Clarke was a girl he always imagined dressing her in pink frilly dresses as a child, and then taking her to punk shows once she got a little older, and even making patch jackets, and pants together. Which is exactly what had happened.

He never knew he would be so happy with a daughter who loved engineering, probably more than he did. He was so happy to have Raven to teach, someone to pass on his engineering knowledge too. Especially since he knew Clarke hated engineering. It just wasn’t her thing, which he respected. They bonded through art, and music, and so many other creative things.

Forgetting to be quiet Raven and Jake woke up Lexa. She shuffled her feet across the floor and met the two goofballs in the kitchen with tired eyes and a raspy “Good morning. Did you both sleep well??”

“We did.” Jake smiled. “Did you?”

“I really did. Never slept better honestly.” Lexa said, starting to whisper less. Becoming more comfortable with Jake and Raven.

“Oh great. So happy to hear that.”

“What movie did all watch?” He asked.

“We watched two.” Raven said.

“‘Thirteen Ghosts’ and most of ‘Genetic Opera’” Lexa added.

They all continued talking and Laughing waiting for Clarke to wake up. Something about Clarke is that she can sleep through basically everything. Clarke’s mom’s house had train tracks in the back yard so nothing woke Clarke up.

Finally, Clarke arose at half past eleven, and grinned when she saw Lexa, her hair still in braids but messy as ever from her sleep. Lounging on the couch with Jake and Raven with a plate full of pancakes. She stood in the kitchen drinking water and observing her dad and her two friends lovingly as they ate and interacted as a family. It warmed Clarke’s heart so much she didn’t have the heart to disrupt them. She ended up snapping a photo of them in their happy little world so she could always remember this sleep over. It was one that was worth the memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate all the lovely comments I've gotten. I love hearing from you all. All comments and constructive criticism are appreciated just keep the negativity to yourself please. !!!!!Stay safe little space Beans!!!!!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So somewhere in here there is an adoption court case. I don't know what happens inside these court cases, and i know that not all adoptions need court cases. I tried to find as much information i could online, but found very little resources. What i got down is purely fiction, i realize that most of what happened is not factual. i hope that it isn't bothersome. If it does bother you, and you know of any resources where i can learn more about this process please feel free to send me some links. !!stay safe space beans!!

Lexa’s adoption court day is here. A couple of hours until Lexa would be theirs. Until Lexa was secured in a forever home. Nyko had to be there, along with a couple of other people from social services. Indra, Emori, Costia, Alie, Luna, Fox. Her whole family was there Lexa had never felt such ease in a courtroom before. She’d never felt safe in the presence of Nyko, or anyone with child protective services written on their foreheads. But she felt good in this courtroom waiting area. Her moms were dressed up and looked like strong but fancy business women. Her siblings were all dressed up too. Wearing dresses, and suits. Lexa preferred a suit. It suited her, and her features much better than a dress did.  Emori had braided her hair back the way she loved it. She felt sharp and confident, and really excited.

When the time came where a clerk called out Indra’s name, Lexa’s heart jumped. Not only because the echo of the loud voice pierced her ears but because this was the deciding factor, does she get the privilege of having a family or does someone get to decide she doesn’t? This was it for her.

Once escorted to a court room, it was only a couple of minutes before the entire room was quiet. Lexa looked around the room to see why everyone had suddenly stop talking and it was because the judge had entered the room. I guess that’s a good reason to be quiet.

Lexa had never been on this side of the courtroom gate before. She had been to court once when she was little but she doesn’t know why or what it was for, all she knew was she wasn’t near this close to the judge.  But here she sat at a table with Indra, Emori, and an adoption lawyer. Across an aisle from her was Nyko, and a couple of other people sat at the other table at the front of the room.

“In the adoption case regarding Alexandria Woods. My name is Niylah Putts. I’m representing the Forrester Family today. Please sit.”

Her voice echoed throughout the courtroom as everyone sat in their chairs. Lexa tried her best to pay attention but she was so nervous that she couldn’t. She looked around the room trying to find familiar faces until behind her she saw a line of familiar faces. Her siblings in their fancy attire, trying their best to pay attention too. Lexa knew she couldn’t talk to them, she probably shouldn’t talk to anyone unless directly asked a question.  Emori tapped her hand to silently tell her to turn back around.

Indra stood up, walked to a booth beside the judge, the judge swore her in and she sat down. Niylah then stood up too and walked to the front of the courtroom.

“I am going to ask a series of questions, answer them to the best of your abilities. If you are unable to answer a question just say pass, and we will move on.” Niylah said speaking to Indra.

“How old are you?”

“Forty” Indra answered.

“Are you married? If so when did you get married?”

“I am married. I got married fifteen years ago. On July seventh, 2003.”

“What is your occupation?”

“I’m a Psychologist.”

“How much do you make in a year?”

“About 80,000 a year.”

“That is a lot for a Psychologist, do you have any other jobs?”

“No ma’am. I’m a Psychologist full time. I work in multiple different hospitals as well as my own practice. I also do counseling for bank robberies and store hold ups and things like that. Which is where most of my income comes from.”

“I understand. How much an hour do you make for the in-crisis counseling?”

“About eighty dollars an hour Ma’am.”

“Alright. Next question: Do you have Family in the area?”

“I have my partner, and my kids. We share a house.”

“Any other family that isn’t immediate?”

“My in-laws, they live in Virginia.”

A whole lot of boring questions later, they called up Emori as well and had them answer questions about when they knew they wanted to adopt. What was the first meeting of said adopted child like? How did the other kids in the household react to a new child in their space? How did the bonding period go? Did the child cry at any time during said period?

“What do you want the child’s birth certificate to say??”

“I believe that is Lexa’s decision to make.” Emori answered.

“How long have you had the child?”

“One year and four months.”

“What was your first meeting like?”

“I met her the night we got her, she had already spent a good four hours with the rest of the family and had started dinner with Indra. My kids all greet me the same way, the run up to the door, and for obvious reasons Lexa was the only one standing back.  I introduced myself and complemented her hair. I asked her if she wanted a hug too because I just hugged everyone else I didn’t want her to feel left out, and although she said no, it seemed to bring a little bit of life into her eyes. Lexa was and still is extremely polite. She fit right in with all my kids, and my partner almost immediately. It was a day I won’t forget, for sure.”

“Good, and what are the child’s favorite foods??”

“Grilled Cheese, Chicken Nuggets, she prefers the kind that are dinosaur shaped but as long as they are chicken nuggets she will eat them.” Emori smiled as she spoke about Lexa’s silly little food preference.

Niylah asked more questions about Lexa, and her hobbies, once she was done questioning Indra she moved onto Emori and asked similar questions. Since Lexa is fourteen she was able to help in the deciding process which meant she was to undergo questions next and she was terrified. She could feel her hands shaking, and her knees felt like jelly and she hadn’t even stood up yet, they hadn’t even called her up yet but she knew it was coming soon. So, she ran the questions that they prepared her for days before through her head, along with her answers. She didn’t want to tremble or make mistakes the rest of her life is in her hands.

“Would Lexa woods come on up please.” Niylah spoke with a softer voice than she did with Indra and Emori.

Lexa slowly stood on her wobbly knees and walked slowly to the booth her parents sat in. The officer that was there swore her in and the questioning began.

“I will ask you a series of questions, if you cannot answer one of them simply say pass and we can move on.” Niylah stated as she had done before questioning each person.

“How old are you?” She asked

“I’m Fourteen.”

“What would you like your birth certificate to say?”

“Lexa Woods-Forrester please. Mom: Indra Forrester, and Emori Forrester. Father: blank or none. However, you do that. Nyko has my documents as to how much I weighed when I was found and stuff like that.”

“Great. What was it like when you met the Forrester’s for the first time?”

“They were about the nineteenth family I’d ever been to. I knew they were different right away. They had kids my age to play with and do homework with. They were really nice and fed me a whole lot that night. I was treated like everyone else even though I had only been there a couple of hours. I was treated like a person. I got to help out with dinner and chores and I loved every minute of it. I remember being so nervous that I couldn’t partake in dinner conversation but I was still given a chance to speak. I met Indra first, she was immediately nice and warm. Just like I imagined a real mom to be like. She understood me, and what I was going through. I met Emori next and she was just like Indra. Warm and inviting. She offered to braid my hair. I liked that. Even though I said no. Everyone always made sure I felt safe and comfortable. Out of nineteen homes, I had only felt safe in one other one before this one. Out of nineteen homes, I have stayed in this one the longest. It has my family in it. This one actually feels like home.” Lexa explained, unknowingly making her moms tear up a little bit.

“That’s great to hear Lexa. You may go back to you seat now.” Niylah said.

“Thank you.” Lexa smiled.

Once Lexa was back in her seat the judge stood up and said: “Now that we have gathered the information needed we will go over the case and be back with the results in fifteen minutes.”

Everyone stayed sitting. Those fifteen minutes were the longest fifteen minutes of their lives. Indra and Emori were so used to this process by now but Lexa wasn’t. Lexa was new at this and had never known what being adopted entailed. It was a long process of questions and answers and deciding. It bothered Lexa how the courts seemed to care what family they go with to be adopted but they’re never so strict to give a child to unfit foster families. She got a little mad at this fact but she talked herself out of it. Today is supposed to be a happy day.

After months of house visits from the adoption agency and interviews her court case has fifteen minutes before she doesn’t have to be worried about being ripped away from her family ever again. Fifteen minutes is all it took for this judge to decide her fate.

When the judge came back everyone stood to their feet until he sat down too.

“Today on Ten, September, 2018. Lexa Woods-Forrester is officially Adopted by Indra and Emori Forrester. Your papers will be at the clerk’s office within thirty days you will receive a call when you can come pick them up along with Lexa’s birth certificate. Have a good day.” The judge said, emotionless.

Lexa was so happy she couldn’t contain herself. She jumped up high and into Indra’s arms. She then apologized that she didn’t ask first for a hug, but she couldn’t help herself.

“I’m your mom Lexa. You never have to ask me for a hug.” Indra said, her voice didn’t waiver but her tears escaped her vice grip like they did for the adoption of all her girls. 

Together the whole family and Clarke and Raven all went to get Pizza to celebrate the successful adoption.

////

 

No matter what was happening in school or in life, the one constant that always remained were the weekend sleepovers. Friday after school Jake would be there early waiting in a line of other cars, waiting for the kids to get out of class for the weekend. Instead of picking up just one kid, he picked up three. All exhausted looking and pale from the lack of sun they got all week. 

He took them to dinner, a different place each time. It was a good way to get them to try new things. Clarke always got stuck in routine when it came to restaurants. She could go to the same one, and order the same things every time for years and years. 

Jake has noticed that since Lexa, Clarke has been the happiest she’s been in a long time. He thought the same thing when Clarke and Raven got close, but this is different. He hasn’t seen his daughter smile, and laugh, and be so darn excited about life since she had met Lexa in kindergarten. He still hasn’t figured out what about this girl can change a person’s life like this. But he really doesn’t care as long as he can have Clarke stay like this for the rest of her life.

As each sleepover happened the Lexa got more and more comfortable with sharing a bed. Clarke was so excited when she noticed Lexa’s muscles soften up and her arms get less and less stiff as the weeks go on. So, this sleepover, Clarke asked to be the big spoon. She wanted Lexa to be in the middle. She desperately wanted to hold Lexa, she has since forever.

What surprised her more was that Lexa said yes. So, when they finished dinner they all retired to Clarkes room and put in a movie. Lexa got in bed first, under the blankets, and snuggled into the middle of the bed. Raven got on her Left side, and Clarke on her right.

“Can I cuddle you?” Clarke asked before settling all the way in bed.

“Mhmm,” Lexa answered.

Clarke then scooted right up against Lexa’s back and put her arm around her. Raven then snuggled all the way back against Lexa making Lexa put her arm around her.

“You guys are tight snugglers.” Lexa giggled.

“Sorry.” Clarke and raven said in unison. “Would you like us to move a little?” Clarke asked, making sure Lexa wasn’t uncomfortable.”

“No. I like it. Was just stating a fact. I think I like this spot. Can I call it?” Lexa smiled.

“What! No, you can’t call it. You have to share the middle from time to time.” Raven said.

“Oh fine” Lexa groaned.

Once the movie started, it only took Lexa twenty minutes before she was out like a light.

//

Clarke didn’t notice Lexa was asleep until Lexa reached up to grab Clarke’s hand to hold it.

“I think Lexa is out.” Clarke whispered to Raven who slowly turned to check if Clarke was right.”

When she turned around she saw Lexa’s cute resting face, her lips parted and her cheek smooshed against the pillow. Scrunching her face up in the cutest of ways.

“Yeah. She’s asleep, but she’s so cute. Give me your phone so I can take a picture.” Raven whispered. Trying not to move too much to be too loud.

Clarke Let go of Lexa’s hand to get her phone. This makes Lexa upset, she shuffles her feet and runs her hand around the bed behind her looking for Clarke’s hand again. Clarke hurries with handing Raven the phone so she doesn’t wake up Lexa. Once Clarke put her hand back in Lexa’s, she settled down; getting comfortable under the covers and stilling her legs once again things were peaceful.  Raven took a few different pictures of the three of them and then Emailed them to herself on Clarke’s phone.

When morning came Lexa was the first one up again, except this time she couldn’t escape Clarke’s embrace to go make breakfast with Jake. She tried her best to wiggle free but Clarke would not budge. Her arms wrapped all the way around Lexa, and clasped together in the front, there was only two ways Lexa could get free. To wriggle all the way down to the foot of the bed and escape Clarke that way or wake her up. And she really wouldn’t prefer the latter.  So, Lexa did just that, slowly but sure she shimmied and wiggled down towards the bottom of the bed and slid off and onto the floor. She laughed at herself inside at how ridiculous that must have looked but Clarke needed her sleep. Lexa didn’t want to be the reason for a cranky Clarke.

Once free Lexa wandered into the bathroom and after, she shuffled around the house in search for Jake. She was pleasantly surprised to find him sitting at their kitchen island drinking coffee and reading the paper.

“Good morning Jake.” Lexa said, waving a little while standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Morning kiddo. How’d ya sleep??” He asked.

“Pretty well. I slept in the middle last night. It was weird. But I liked it. Clarke gives off a lot of heat though.”

“That’s good. And yeah, she does. She is like a little space heater. Always has been.” Jake smiles.

“How did you sleep?” She asks back.

“I slept alright thanks.”

“Can I help make breakfast again?”

“You sure can. Why don’t you take out and prep what you want and then I will jump in and help you out where ever you need me.” Jake said, trying to get Lexa to be comfortable enough with going into their fridge herself, and using their kitchen like it’s hers. Because, every weekend, and whenever else she is here, it is hers too. So, she should use it like it’s hers.

Lexa grabbed the eggs and turned to show Jake, “Can I make eggs?” She asks.

“Yes.” He nods.

Lexa places the eggs on the counter and goes back to the fridge, “Can I make sausage? Or do you want bacon instead?” She asks again.

“Make both.” Jake says, smiling at the shock in Lexa’s eyes.

“Okay…” She hummed. “Toast??” She asks again. Each time she puts her hands on something she wants to make she asks. She can’t help herself, it makes her nervous to use other people’s food without asking.

Almost as soon as Lexa put the sausage in the pan, Raven woke up. Jake laughed when she emerged because Raven can sleep through anything and everything. Trains, construction, talking, the television. But as soon as someone starts making food, she knows and she is up so she can eat it. Every single time.

When it was time to cook the eggs, Lexa called Jake in for some help. She didn’t know how to cook eggs the way Clarke liked and she didn’t want to mess up so she just let Jake cook all the eggs himself.

“Lexa these are almost done, would you try your best to wake Clarke up?” Jake asked.

“Sure.” Lexa nodded.

Lexa walked back to Clarke’s room and found her all sprawled out across the bed like a starfish on it’s back. Lexa laid right down in bed with Clarke and watched her sleep. She figured Clarke would feel her watching and would wake up. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. So, she scooted as close to her as she could get and ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair. It’s so soft, and smells like pomegranates.

“Clarke…” Lexa whispered. Nothing

“Wake up. I made breakfast.” Still nothing.

Lexa wasn’t very good at this waking people up thing. She had never woken someone up before, and she really didn’t want to wake Clarke up at all. But here she was with her hands in her hair and all up in her face trying to wake her as nicely as possible. She didn’t know what to do from here.  So, she laid there until Clarke woke up on her own.

Soon Clarke woke up, and when she saw felt Lexa in her place she moved to cuddle her. Scooping her up she got caught in Clarke’s limbs. All tangled up in her arms and legs. Clarke laughed in her ear and it gave Lexa the chills.

“Hay Clarke!” Lexa laughed.

“Hey Lexa.” Clarke smiled pulling Lexa as close as she possibly can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is really short, but there will be more coming in a week or two. I hope you enjoy.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive, I'm still writing this. Don't worry, i didn't forget about y'all.

Senior year of high school, as it goes. Most kids don’t care. For the last three years they’ve been working hard, and wearing themselves thin; mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically to obtain their one- way ticket out of this hell. So, once senior year fully arrives they can relax a little more as they’ve already pretty much secured their way out.

For Lexa, this wasn’t the case. She didn’t let her grades slip, they’ve never wavered below a ‘B’ and she was planning to keep it like that. She loved school, she loved her extracurriculars, she loved her teachers, and she wanted to get the best grades she could so she can get a scholarship. Her parents definitely light a little bit of a fire under her ass about grades but they just want what’s best for her. Lexa likes to please her parents. She loves it when they are proud of her so she wants to do the best she can.  

Alie is in college, starting her fourth year, and turning twenty three in August. Luna, twenty one, also in college starting her second year. Fox, nineteen, got Emori and Indra to agree to a gap year as her high school years did take a major toll on her mentally. She has a job at their local makeup store and is helping to support the family.

Costia and Lexa, are closer than ever. They still share a bedroom, even though there are two kids out of the house, and they have the option to have their own spaces. Lexa chose to turn what could have been her room into a little gym/office, where she can get her homework done, and training done for gymnastics.

Costia and Fox decided together to turn Luna’s old bedroom into a place to what T.V and play video games. To which the parents approved of, because they’re not allowed to have T.V’s in their rooms, but this was a shared room, an upstairs family room if you will.

Lexa is still in gymnastics of course, and trains hard everyday for what seems like hours. Her coach is telling her in just a years time he would really love to see her try for the Olympics. To Lexa, gymnastics started as a hobby. She loved it, and she still does. But something that worries her is, nothing good seems to happen in the long run when your hobby becomes your job. She doesn’t want to end up resenting it. So, she just said she will think about it and see what happens within a year. Her mind might change. If it does, then she will spend the next few years of her life training purposefully for the Olympics.

The Forrester house has been quite quiet. Indra and Emori are slowly getting used to the emptiness of  having their two eldest girls in college. It’s been super quiet with out them running around the house screaming at everyone all day. Once they got over their initial, empty nesting thing, they are happy with how things are going around their house. There have been way less fights about who gets what, and who gets to have the remote for the time being, and who’s taking too long in the bathroom. It’s been less stressful all around. Especially with Alie in the dorms, there is so much less drama.

No sneaking out and stealing mom’s cars. No visit boyfriends that are toxic. And most importantly, no late night calls from the cops saying they’ve caught Alie doing god knows what in god knows what town, and she needs to be picked up. Indra hasn’t yelled in months.

They’re also relieved that after this year they won’t have any more kids in high school. The past few years of high school have been one obstacle after another. And when one kids is stressed out it puts stress on everyone. In sophomore year Raven fell ill and it took her months to recover. Meningitis and another amputation later and she’s still in physical therapy learning how to walk on two Prosthetics. Regular therapy to try to guide her out of the depression she fell into after losing her other leg. And numerous doctor appointments to check her wound to make sure it’s not getting infected, and that it’s healing well. So far everything has been fine, except for her mental health.  

She learned how to walk on her one prosthetic leg very quickly as she was just a child when they had to cut it off. Children cope with that sort of trauma way better than adults do. When she was little, she didn’t know what she was missing. Now she does, and she feels pretty certain that she wont get to be a zero-g mechanic ever. Her chances with one leg was already slim, but now with none…she feels like she’s destined for being a mechanic with access to gravity. Which, would really put a damper on her dreams.

So, of course after she had already hit rock bottom, she seemed to bring a pick axe with her. Digging herself into a deeper depression; and paved a longer path of self-hate. Which she is still working on climbing her way out of.

Raven hasn’t been to their weekly sleepovers since the amputation two years ago. She isn’t doing very well in school due to being so depressed. She doesn’t even come most days. Clarke is sure Raven is seconds away from dropping out. But Clarke and Lexa aren’t letting Raven go for one day without her knowing that they love and support her 100 percent. That they’re there for her if she needs anything.

In their junior year of high school, Clarke starting dating. She was asked out by none other than Finn Collins, high school douche bag. Clarke included him in everything. Brought him to meet her father, which ended poorly as Jake did not approve of Clarke dating much less dating Finn.

That lasted eleven months, until about two weeks ago when Finn broke up with her with the excuse that he had to move away for college. He didn’t even want to give long distance a try. Jake was happy that it ended, but sad for his daughter. He hated seeing her upset. He let her wallow in it four two and half weeks but he can’t see her so sad any longer. He told her to call her friends, seek out support. He reminded her that she was the farthest thing from being alone.

Clarke didn’t want to text Raven with her measly problems. Raven had enough to deal with and the last thing Clarke wanted was to burden her anymore with something as simple as a breakup. So, she called the first person she thought of to call anyways. Lexa. She called, and Lexa answered on the second ring. Mostly because Clarke doesn’t make phone calls, and if she does then something is probably wrong.

“Hello?? Is everything okay Clarke??” Lexa asked.

“Finn broke up with me.” Clarke says, trying her best not to cry.

“What? Why?? When?!” Lexa stuttered in surprise. She tried her best to not sound as happy as she was looking right now. She hated Finn with all her might. She even had dreams of stabbing him, but alas, she was a good person and would never. Putting her happiness aside for the relationship ending, she felt bad for Clarke.

“Two weeks ago. He said the only reason he even dated me was because quote ‘you were there, and passably cute.’ Unquote. He broke up with me because he’s moving for college.” Clarke explained, trying her best to annunciate.

Finn had thrown Clarke for a loop with his ‘always’ and ‘you might be the one for me, Clarke’ and then not even wanting to try long distance. New York wasn’t even really that far from Maryland. A four hour drive, wasn’t that bad. They could do it once a month. But no, in the long run it wasn’t the long distance that Finn didn’t want to do. It was the monogamy, and the part about Clarke not putting out. He didn’t tell Clarke that, but he told his friends that, and Lexa scared it out of them.

“What!?! Passably cute?! Is he blind?!” Lexa yelled. She yelled so loud Clarke had to take the phone away from her ear for a second. “Passably cute. You’re stunning, Clarke. I know you liked him, and I’m so sorry that he hurt you. I really truly am, but I never liked him. I want what’s best for you Clarke and he definitely wasn’t it. You’ll find someone who is really going to love you. And find you way way way more than passably cute. I can’t even believe he said that. Passably cute. Ugh, who is he to say. He wasn’t all that and a bag of chips himself.” Lexa huffs. Rambling on.

“Psh, I’m not that cute Lexa… and I know you didn’t like him. That much was clear. But I don’t know, i liked him.  I really did.  I just feel used.”

“Well, get dressed because I’m taking you out to dinner. So, dress nice, I have a bit of money to spend. I’ve been saving! I’ll be there in like ten minutes,” Lexa smiled, and Clarke smiled because she could hear Lexa’s smile through the phone.

“Okay. See you soon Lexa.” Clarke agreed. She really didn’t want to but she knew Lexa better than anyone and she knew she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Plus she felt like she might regret it if she said no.

With that Lexa hung up and got dressed in her best suit. And like she said, she walked to Clarke’s house in ten minutes. She knocked on their apartment door and Jake answered it.

“Oh, hello Lexa. I didn’t know you were coming over. You look very nice. What’s the occasion??”

“Clarke is the occasion sir. I’m taking her out to cheer her up.” Lexa smiled.

“Wow. That’s very sweet of you. Where are you going if I may ask?” Jake questioned.

“I was thinking little Havana. I heard it was really good. Clarke has always wanted to go. Plus they have fried ice cream. Would you like anything from there??” Lexa asked.

“No thank you Lexa. Though I do appreciate the thought.”  Jake said.

Only a couple minutes later, Clarke emerged in a simple black dress that ended just above her knees. She was wearing Doc Martens and Fishnets of course. She never wore any other shoe. And her hair was down for the first time in years. Lexa felt like she had been punched in the gut and it knocked the wind right out of her lungs. 

“Jesus.” Lexa said, turning around to look somewhere else for a second. Mostly to hide her red face but, also because she was afraid her eyes my fall out of her skull if she looked for too long. “You’re trying to kill me.” She whispered.

Looking at Clarke was like looking at an eclipse with your bare eyes. You know you’re not supposed to but you really can’t help it and quite frankly, you don’t really care if that’s the last thing you see before you go blind.

“PASSABLY CUTE!?!” She screamed. Still appalled by that description.

“Jake. I apologize for my acting like a total dog right now. But Finn told Clarke that she was Passably cute, and I am just...mad. I am so mad that he said that because she is—Clarke, you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.” Lexa said, shaking her head at Finns words.

“Alright Lexa, stop trying to inflate my ego. Lets just go.” Clarke said, looking down at the floor, slightly embarrassed by Lexa’s words. Really trying her hardest not to cry.

Lexa takes a deep breath and does what she can to calm herself down. With that she holds out her arm for Clarke to take. “I’ll have her back by ten.” Lexa tells Jake. He simply nods in approval. He watches them walk down the street and turn the corner. When he shuts the door, he smiles a really big shit eating grin. Happy that his daughter has someone like Lexa to admire her.

Arm in arm they walk down the street, turn the corner heading to the inner harbor.

“Where are we going??”

“You’ll see when we get there. I made a reservation even. We’re doing this fancy tonight,” Lexa stated. “You really do look beautiful, Clarke.” Lexa told her again.

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled.

“You know I haven’t seen your hair out since kindergarten. It got long.” Lexa said.

“oh right. I do always keep it up.”

They talked and walked for almost an hour. They lived fairly close to the harbor, but it takes a while to walk. Neither person complained about it. They were so busy chatting that the time passed quickly.

They come up on a blue Spanish style house, right on the water. In big white letters it says ‘Little Havana’. Which made Clarke excited. She has always wanted to eat here. She says that almost every time she passes it. So, it seems as though Lexa didn’t forget.

They walked in and Lexa walked right up to the person with menus in her hand “We have a reservation for two under Woods comma Lexa.” She said.

Typing the name into the computer the woman then looked up smiled and said, “Alright, follow me.” She brought them through the restaurant and out the door to a really nicely lit patio facing the water. Clarke shook her head in disbelief

“Really Lexa??” she sighed. “We could have gone to McDonalds and I’d be fine.”

“Well yeah, I know but I wanted to take you here. Clarke. May I be frank with you??” Lexa asked.

“Of course, I can take it.” Clarke nodded.

“I know you are going through a breakup. I know this is probably the worst time to be saying this. I don’t even know if you like girls. But I love you. Seriously. With everything in me, I am in love with you. And seeing you broken, because of some douche; that hurts me. So, I don’t care what you would be fine with. Because you don’t seem to understand what you deserve. You deserve a nice outing, with fairy lights and the harbor, and someone who loves you with every fiber of their being. McDonalds is great for four in the morning runs, and ice cream and French fry cravings not for this, not for now. So here we are. In Little Havana. We are going to have a good time. I don’t care what you want to call this. Dinner with a friend, or a date, or whatever I don’t care. I just want to see you have a good time. Understand me?”

“Thank you Lexa, and I uh-I do, I like a girl.” Clarke nods, wiping away the tears in her eyes. Afraid that its making her makeup run.

“Really who??” Lexa asked.

“You stupid. I like you too. I want to call this dinner for now maybe when I heal we can call this a date??” 

“Ohh Good. That sounds good to me. So, what do you want to eat??” Lexa asked.

They both picked up the menu and looked, there were so many options. It was definitely hard to choose.

But eventually they had both decided to get two things and share them.

They got ‘Quesadilla Chicharron de Pollo’ and ‘Shrimp Tacos’. Clarke laughed that the menu was a mixture of Spanish and English. How one dish title was all Spanish and the others were both. They split the two dishes evenly, and by the time they came out; they were both starving. After their walk, and then their wait. They couldn’t wait to get their hands on this food.

They were pretty quiet until a little more than halfway through their meal. Lexa spoke up first,

“So, I have a gymnastics competition in Philly next weekend if you and your dad want to come. I can get free tickets, and you guys can ride with us.”

“I’d love to be there. I’ll ask dad when I get home. Thank you for the invitation.” Clarke smiled.

“Of course. I am going to text Raven about it too. She will probably say no, I know but I’d hate to leave her out.”

“Yeah, do invite her. See what she says. Hopefully she says yes.”

“I hope so too.” Lexa hums

When they finish their dinner, along with their shared fried ice cream; they walked the harbor for a little while. Lexa holds her hand out for Clarke to hold it, and she does. They dip into stores and they come across a sex toy shop called sugar, and Clarke can’t resist she has to go in.

She somehow gets Lexa to agree to go in. Together they walk in and are greeted by two people behind a counter.

They make their way around the store, when they get to the vibrator section Clarke turns on every single one that has one on display. Which is basically every one that they sell. She laughs at the noise it makes against the little plastic shelf it’s displayed on. Lexa’s face is eternally red inside this store, she’s lucky the lights are dim.

“You want one Clarke??” Lexa eventually grows the balls to ask.

“What? Seriously??” Clarke asks.

“Yes. I’ll get you one if you want. You seem…quite interested in them.” Lexa states.

“Okay sure. Who am I turn you down.” Clarke shrugs.

They spend a little longer in there and Lexa observes something that she hasn’t seen in any other toy shop before. Not that she has been in many, but she’s been in a few always alone. Mostly she goes to the online ones, just to see the variety. But this one, organizes things by what the interest is, not by gender. Which is nice and inclusive. Something she’d love to support.

Once Clarke went around to their vibrator wall again she finally narrowed it down to two things. So, they brought the two things up to the front desk and asked,

“Which is better?”

“Well, I like this one better.” She said holding up the bigger, purple one. “Because, well it’s rechargeable so no batteries. And it’s fully submergible so you can take it in the water If you want to.” She said.

“Okay, and what about this, why is it different??” Lexa asked.

“Well, this one takes batteries. And its not as durable, this is for like, once in a while. Take it on vacation so you don’t have to go through security with like, giant dick shaped things.  It’s small, not as powerful and definitely doesn’t have the same stability as the other one, but it’ll definitely get the job done.  The pros to this one is that it’s a little easier to hide, and its more portable.” The lady nodded.

“Okay, looks like you’ve sold us on the purple one then.” Clarke said. “Thank you for your help.”

“Of course. Now did you guys want to look around more or will this be all??”

“Did you want anything else Clarke??” Lexa asked.

“Uhm, no I think I’m okay.”

“Alright then that’s it for now. Thank you.” Lexa told the lady.

With that they paid and walked out with their discreet little black bag. That’s literally what the bag said on it. “discreet little black bag.” Clarke definitely had a laugh at that.

“So, we have an hour left before I take you home.” Lexa said.

“We do.” Clarke nodded. “Is there anything you wanted to do??”

“Well, I want to go to the playground. Do you want to take an uber home and then we can go to the playground by our houses?” Lexa asked.

“Sure” Clarke nodded. “Why the park?”

“Because I’ve never been to the park. And I hear it’s a blast.” Lexa says.

“Oh yeah. I keep on forgetting the childhood you had. I’d love to break your playground going virginity.” Clarke laughs.

Lexa called an uber to pick them up, so now they are just waiting at a bench in front of a closing ice cream shop. When the uber arrives, they get in and he takes them to the front of Lexa’s house. Less than a block away is the play ground and she takes Clarke’s hand and makes a run for it.

Clarke is laughing the whole time. Unsure why, other than the fact that she’s having pure fun. When they get to the park Lexa slows down, but still making a B line to the swings. Takes a swing, and Lexa takes the other. She watches how Clarke starts off and she copies her. Clarke starts going real high up, and it amazes Lexa how fast she can go. Lexa herself has some trouble staying up due to not having any swinging experience. Clarke laughs and drags her feet on the floor to stop herself.

“Want me to push you Lexa?”

“Push me? What, no. I’m not a child.”

“Lexa, just pretend you are and let me push you. I’ll be gentle.” Clarke smiles.

“Fine.” Lexa agrees.

Clarke hops off the swing and gets behind Lexa. Hooking her fingers into the little triangle metal pieces that attach the swing to the chains she pulls back and lets Lexa go.

“How do I stay up like you!?” Lexa yells.

“When you swing back towards me, you bend your knees in and push your body forward. When you swing up you pull your body back towards me while kicking your feet out in front of you. What me.” Clarke explains. She gets on the swing and shows Lexa exactly what she had explained.

It takes Lexa a few tires but she ends up getting it. Going as high as she can, it really is a feeling of freedom, the swings.

“Are these swings high enough that if I go upside down I won’t die?”

“Yeah, you have room go ahead.” Clarke says.

So, Lexa scoots back so the seat of the swing is in her knees and she let’s go. Letting her arms swing down, her hands and the ends of her hair drags in the dirt but she doesn’t care. She’s having too much fun to care. She can only stand a few seconds of being upside down before she gets a head rush. So, she sits back up and tries to stop the swing.

“Woah.” She says, breathing heavily. “That was intense. I loved it! Thank you for helping me Clarke.” Lexa laughs.

They spend some time playing on the monkey bars and Lexa climbs up the outside of the tube slide. She makes Clarke a little nervous as she’s about to jump off from about ten feet high. Once she sticks the landing Clarke lets out a breath.

“You almost gave me a heart attack Lexa.” she sighed, her hand over her pounding heart.

“Sorry.” Lexa smiled.

Lexa looks at her watch and sees that she has five minutes to get Clarke home.

“We better get you back home.” Lexa hums.

“Yeah, we better. Thank you for tonight Lexa. I had a lot of fun.”

“I’m Glad. I had a lot of fun too. We should do this again sometime. And call it a date?”

“Yes, we should. And call it a date.” Clarke confirms with a smile.

Arm in arm they walk down the road to Clarkes apartment and they knock on the door. Jake answers with a smile inviting them both in. Lexa politely declines since she has only a minute or two to get herself home before her own ten o’clock curfew. She thanks Clarke for the night, and thanks Jake for allowing Clarke to go frolicking with her.

Once Clarke is in the house, and Jake shuts the door Lexa runs herself home and is in the door the minute the clock turns to ten.

“Hey Lexa, how was your night??” Emori asks.

“It was lovely. Thank you.”

“Of course. So, I want to hear everything what’d you do? Where’d you go??”

“We went to little Havana, had dinner, walked around the harbor. Ducked into a few different stores down there and then came back and played in the playground down the block from here.” Lexa said, purposefully leaving the sex toy store out of her explanation.

“Sounds like a wonderful night. It’s cute you went to the playground.” Emori smiles.

“Yeah, you know I have never been to a playground before right? I haven’t even ever played in the one out back.”

“What? Really? That’s Crazy to me. How come?” Emori asked, her voice soft, and caring.

“Well, they never took us to the park, and at school I was always bullied no one wanted to play with me. Or even get near me for that matter. It was like I was a contagious disease or something. So, I never played on the playground at school. Then at that time, I was living in a group home and well, you don’t go anywhere but to bed when you got home. So, no playground. Tonight was my first time going to the playground. We had a whole lot of fun. Clarke taught me how to swing on the swings. And we played on the slides, the balance beams. It was fun.” Lexa explained.

“Wow, you know you don’t mention your childhood a lot, or ever really. I’m very interested in learning more about how that was. If you ever want to share. I can wait till you’re ready to share it of course. How much of it do you remember?” Emori asked.

“Everything from age 4 to now. Everything. I find the human mind remembers trauma way better than happy times. At least mine does cause that’s pretty much all I got for the first nine years of my life pretty much.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that to get here. I’m glad we have you, now, and I’m glad we kept you. I remember the talk Indra and I had about you. We had just gotten done with dinner, it was like a month after you had first stepped into our home. Indra and I were in bed and she said she wanted you. That she sees a lot of herself in you. In terms of childhood, and common interests. And I wanted you too of course. I wanted you so badly. So, I’m glad you chose us too. I’m very proud and happy to call you Family Lexa.”

“Thank you. For being my family.” Lexa smiled. She stood up from the couch she was sitting on with Emori and then excused herself to her room.

Costia was in there, in her bed sleeping. Lexa tiptoed to her drawers and dug out some pajamas. Then tiptoed out to change in the bathroom so she doesn’t disturb Costia.

Once she changed she quietly walked back to their room and climbed in bed. Plugging her phone in she rolls over and tries her best to stop thinking, and fall asleep.

//

 Only a couple more weeks until senior year starts and everyone is hoping that it glides by without anyone getting sick. Whether that be physically, or mentally. They’ve all had their fair share of hardships for their high school career. They really didn’t need anymore.

Jake and Clarke have been getting closer and closer. Not even knowing that it was possible, but they’ve both realized that living their two-bedroom apartment on a different side of town from Abby was improving everything around them. Including their relationship.

Jake has been working at the same auto shop since he was in high school, now he feels like he needs a change, and a higher paying change at that. As an adult, with no high school diploma, and no college degrees, you can’t get a much higher paying job than the minimum wage. He was getting now. Which was barely even $20,000 a year. He’s decided he wants to get his high school diploma and finally get some college experience under his belt. He decided to bring this up to Clarke over dinner.

So over dinner he tells Clarke his five year plan. Year one: get diploma. Year two: start college for engineering. Year three: continue courses and even take some ones that will be more entertaining than job getting. Year four: work on setting up his own business. He explained to Clarke how he wants to open up his own shop. He wants Clarke to do the body work, in terms of painting and detailing. They can make a lot of money on custom paint jobs, plus Clarke will get a nice cut of the money. He wants Raven to be head mechanic, the one who does it all. He will always be there to teach and check to make sure she did a good job, but he has more faith in her than he does in himself at this point. He will think of hiring on a third mechanic. But he has a plan and Clarke has shown her support all the way through. Agreeing to do body work and painting the cars. She’s excited about it even. Her art has been on the back burners of her mind since school was taking up most of her time now. So, this is new and exciting for the both of them. He will ask Raven about it as soon she gets herself better.

The weekly sleepovers have turned more into, homework, dinner, and sleeping; Instead of watching movies. Sometimes Clarke and Lexa stay up talking for a little bit but it’s usually about little insignificant things until its not. Sometimes its about Raven, and how they miss her. Other times it about What they want to do with their lives after high school. Sometimes, especially recently they’ve been finding themselves getting lost in each other. Millimeters from kissing but Lexa stops just a breath short every single time. Clarke always groans because Lexa is too polite to maul her. Especially while her dad is home.

So, Lexa changes the subject. Backing up putting some space between her and Clarke. “Do you want to go to college after high school??” Lexa asks.

“Yeah, I do. I don’t know If I want a gap year or not. But I definitely want to go to college. I don’t know which one, or what for. But I do want to go.  How about you??”

 

“Oh yeah, my parents wouldn’t let me not ever go anyways. But I’m at a cross roads. My coach offered to train me for the Olympics next year. So, I’m still not sure what to do.” Lexa mumbles. Her words slightly slurred due her sleepiness. “I’m just, I’m afraid once my hobby becomes my job, I’ll resent it. so I don’t know.”

 “Well, I’ll support whichever decision you make. If you go to the Olympics I’ll be right there in the stands with the rest of your family, with flowers in our hands. If you don’t, well, I’ll be living with you in the college dorms then.”

“Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa smiles.

Sometimes their talks last until 3:00-4:00 in the morning, and those are the memorable ones. The ones where they get delirious and silly. The ones where they talk about marriage and who they see themselves with. Lexa always answers a celebrity. Clarke always laughs and says ‘no for real.’ “For real, for real. It’s you. I see myself being by your side every second of my life.” Lexa answers. “the thought of being separated from you again, gives me severe anxiety. Not even kidding.” She added.

Over the past three years, Lexa has grown so much. She has put a lot of hard work into bettering herself; and getting over the abuse she suffered for many years. She’s gotten better. Better at hugs, and handshakes. Better at being touched in general. She is now realizing that she is deserving of her own things. Her therapist advised her to write letters to her past, to help let it out, and blow off steam. She wrote letters to herself, to Nyko, to the greens, and to her biological parents. It’s helped.

It’s even sparked a creative side and brought her into writing poetry. Which got her into looking for open mic’s to attend and that became a thing her and Clarke did with each other every first Friday night of the month.

But Lexa has noticed that she doesn’t flinch when Clarke rests her arm over her waist to cuddle her. It surely does run a mile a minute, but that’s out of pure love, not fear. She doesn’t fear Clarke’s touch like she used to. Loud noises and yelling still makes her scared. She reverts to her younger self, to how her life used to be. When people yell she cowers. When she hears sirens; she covers her ears. When heavy things fall on the floor, she jumps. But she doesn’t fear the people that love her.

When people in the grocery store yell at their kids, grab them by their arms while they’re screaming. That hurts Lexa so much, she tries to hold in her tears, and tries to look away. But it hurts because that used to be her. She knows exactly what that feels like and it isn’t good. And it hurts that she can’t do anything about it. It’s not her place to say something. So of course, she lets it happen.

//

 A quarter into senior year Raven started to feel better little by little. Her mood started improving, she started making jokes again. She even made her way back into school. Doing her best to ignore the stares and the questions. She knew she was being talked about by all the kids throughout the school. At least she knew there were three people that weren’t adding to the gossip about her. And those three people meant the most to her than anything anyways.

They all ate lunch together in the cafeteria again, just like old times. They laughed and made jokes and told Raven that they’re glad she’s back. That they missed her. She heard this at least a thousand times a day.  She wasn’t all the way better, she had her depressed days. Her days where she didn’t make it to school. But she was definitely improving.

Once the second quarter came around Raven sat down with Jake when Clarke was at Lexa’s gymnastics meet once morning.

“I want to continue building our motorcycle. Can we?” She asked him.

“Of course. It’s almost done.” He replied.

“I want to come to our sleepovers again too.”

“I think the girls would love that. I would love that.” He smiled.

“I’m scared. I was fine taking my leg off. I had only one leg before I met Clarke. But taking off two? I don’t know.  I don’t like the way it looks or feels.  I don’t want them to be grossed out by me.” Raven mumbled.

“Well, talk to Clarke and Lexa about it. Tell them about your insecurities. They are two very loving and supportive kids. They don’t care Raven. I promise you. They miss you, and love you for everything that you are. They don’t care about your legs.”

“Or lack thereof.” Raven laughs to herself.

“Trust me kid. Talk to them. They’ll help you work it out.” He sighs, “but, in the mean time. While they’re at Lexa’s meet. You wanna check out this motorcycle. Make a list of what we need and go to the scrap yard??”

“Yes! I would love that. Thank you, Jake. I appreciate you.”

Jake stood up and opened his arms with a question in his eyes. “Hug??” He asks.

“Hug.” Raven says standing up. Burying her head into his shoulder, smiling. He is more of a parent to her then her mother would ever be.

//

After the scrap yard, and working on the motorcycle; Raven texted her friends in their group chat and asked them to meet her at their coffee shop after Lexa’s competition. Clarke texted her back, telling her they’d be there. Raven went to the shop ordered Coffee and a sandwich. She sat, ate, and waited for her friends to arrive.

About an hour and a half later she heard the bell to the coffee shop door ring, accompanied by laughter that could only be Clarke’s. She looked up and saw them together, Clarke’s eyes scanned the room until she found Raven and waved. Raven waved back with a smile.

Once the girls ordered they found their way towards the back of the shop where Raven was sitting.

“Hey. What’s up??” Clarke asked before pulling a chair out for Lexa, then for herself.

“I wanted to talk to you guys about our sleepovers. I wanna come back.”

“You know you don’t have to ask to come back. We want you back. You’re more than welcome.” Clarke smiled.

“Yeah. We miss you a lot.” Lexa nods.

“I missed you guys too. But, what I’m saying is, I’m not the most comfortable taking off my second leg.”

“Oh. Well you don’t have to be. We wont stare, or judge, or ask. We wont touch you at all if it makes you uncomfortable. You can have your own blanket. We can even put you on a cot right next to us if you don’t want to share a bed. We’ll do anything to ensure you’re comfort, we just want our friend back.” Clarke said.

“I can sleep on the floor. no need for a cot. I think that will be fine. What do you do during sleepovers now without me anyways? Fuck? I hope so.” Raven laughed. Trying to not talk about her lack of legs anymore. What Clarke said sounded fine, and she decided that quickly that she’d give it a go.  

“Raven!” Clarke scolded. Lexa cowered, trying to hide the fact that her face was reddening by the second.

“No! Why would you say that so loud! We usually do homework, eat dinner, and go to sleep. Sometimes we talk but usually we are too tired.” Clarke explained. Trying to forget what Raven had said mere seconds ago.

“What seriously. Do you guys at least know how in love you are with each other??” Raven asked.

“Yes” Lexa answered. “I’ve told her a million times. But we are letting her heart heal from breaking up with Finn.”

“What? You broke up with Finn?? When? No one tells me anything anymore.” Raven huffed.

“Well, he broke up with me actually. He said it’s because he was-“

“No, okay, but he told Clarke. That she was ‘Passably cute’” Lexa interrupted. “Can you believe that?? I told Clarke he must have been fucking blind. I’m still upset about that.”

“Wow, how rude. You’re literally incredibly gorgeous. Like puberty really did you a nice one Clarke. What an ass.”

 “Well It looks like I’m in on the sleepovers again. Even though there wont be any fucking going on, at least yall are away that you’re in love.” Raven said. “And on a serious note; thank you, for being supportive.”

“That is what friends are for.” Lexa finally added once she got her redness under control.

“Right. So, see ya Friday night and your house??” Raven asked Clarke.

“Yes, my house.” She nodded.

With that the three girls sat and caught up for another hour or so. Clarke and Lexa filled her in on all the school drama and other things that she missed. Lexa invited Raven to come sit in on their next gymnastics practice. She wants Lexa to meet her coach, Sinclaire. He is a double amputee too, and an Olympic gymnast. Lexa wants the two to become friends, it might open up some really cool opportunities for Raven. To her surprise, Raven agreed to go.

By the time the girls had ran out of new information to tell each other, it was almost four o’clock and Lexa had to get home to help with dinner. It was her night to cook, and she still had a couple of chores left do to. So, she said her goodbyes, hugged each of her friends and walked out.

On her walk home she thought of today, how she ranked well in most of her sections at the competition today but she slipped up on floor and they tanked her down a few points. Which really isn’t the worst of places to be in. But she really wished she could’ve ranked higher. She thought of seeing Clarke in the audience just beaming from ear to ear, and how Lexa never had that. Every play she was in there was never anyone in the audience waiting to see her. She had more than that now. Not only was Clarke in the audience, but her moms and siblings were there too, and they had flowers. Lexa loved getting flowers.

She thought of Clarke, and how happy she was to have her as a friend. And loving how supportive she was of Raven. Remembering how Clarke has always been like that. She was always so careful around her, realizing that the littlest touch could scare her. She always moved slowly, and asked to move closer.  Lexa smiled as she remembered kindergarten Clarke, dressed in all pink with her hair perfect and so blonde it was almost white. Clarke is at the opposite of the fashion spectrum now. Wearing all black, her hair always up in a messy bun, doc martens instead of the sparkly sketchers that she wore every day. Lexa remembered the journal that she carried around for years because Clarke had drawn little animals in there for her, and she cherished them. Lexa still has that journal. It’s on her book shelf with the rest of the journals. She still has the little pen she used to write in that journal. It’s been empty forever but she still has it. Maybe she should pull it out and show it to Clarke sometime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. i hope you enjoyed this chapter. There will be more some. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, any comments, and questions are also appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always welcome.  
> Just keep the negativity to yourself please.
> 
> As always...Stay safe my little space cadets!!!


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